Friday, August 31, 2012
Accountability
The new group effort seems to be helping quite a bit. Both my mother and my sister have been texting me and grilling me regularly- particularly at night and in the morning when the urges are the hardest- and it does help. Admittedly I have slipped twice this week but both times was able to start. During last night's slip I pulled out two prickly little hairs and as I in the midst of a third I got a text from my sister telling me to stop and I did. At least things are looking up, especially since this tends to be the hardest phase when all the little hairs are just stubby and prickly and begging for me to pull them ......
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Sometimes It Takes A Village
I am a terrible blogger. When I'm doing poorly with trich I just can't motivate myself to write. I get your emails and comments and I promise myself I will respond and then I make up an excuse and I don't. I'm sorry.
Things have been pretty awful and I"m not sure where to begin. I don't know why it's been so bad- it's not as though things are any more stressful than usual (and the wedding planning is going fine and really not very stressful). I just pulled everything. My eyelashes were a disaster and my eyebrows non-existent. I even started pulling out my head hair a bit which was new for me. Of course such dramatic pulling just left me feeling like crap and completely self conscious. Out came the safety pin while I nearly cut myself open (yes, there was a lot of blood) trying to get out an ingrown hair around my navel. It wasn't pretty. I didn't even need the tweezers and instead managed to pull out some hairs by using scissors, yes scissors, to close them almost all the way and then tug- a little more complicated but almost as effective as tweezers.
About a month ago I finally got the eyelashes back under control which is good because the last few years they have fared better then my eyebrows (despite pulling only my eyelashes for the first 10 years of my trich battle). Through it all I never pulled a single eyelash from my bottom eyelid which is a little weird to me. My eyebrows are another story- every time they started to regrow I would attack them with a vengeance, unable to abstain from pulling the prickly little hairs. I have had no willpower when it comes to trich and yet I've been able to lose almost 20 pounds since
Then came yesterday. I honestly don't even remember exactly how it came up but once again my sister is amazing. No real surprise but she is. We were talking on Gchat as we do throughout almost every day and somehow got on the topic of trich and the wedding, which is now about 70+ days away. We came up with a strategy- if I can go 6 weeks without pulling (the time it takes to regrow most of the hair so I've heard) then we will go out to a super nice dinner and I will pay. That may sound a little strange as incentive but the place we picked has incredibly unhealthy yet delicious items on the menu, like lobster mac and cheese, that we love and never eat. Since it's very pricey, and she wouldn't go otherwise, it keeps her motivated to stay on me since she wants her meal. haha.
Now the motivation part and here is where I tie in the title of this blog post. My biggest motivator is the belief that people will, and do, look at me strangely because of my penciled in hair (and I'm sure bald spots on my head wouldn't help but fortunately it hasnt gotten to that point, yet). The idea of also having wedding pictures for years with possibly awkward colored eyebrows also is in the back of my mind (which can happen although I somehow don't notice until I see the photo). She is going to grill me on it every day. She is also going to text me at night, when its the worst (around 10pm) and in the morning and tell me, not so nicely, to stop pulling. Despite her hesitation I have asked her to please be mean about it- to tell me that "it will look weird" or "everyone will notice" or "you dont want to look like an idiot"- stuff like that. It may sound harsh, and I'm sure is really not true although in my mind it is and that motivates me.
Then came the call for the rest of the village. Before I knew it she had texted my boyfriend (hate the word fiance so we are sticking with boyfriend or "matrimonial candidate") and told him that he needs to get on my case more. And my mother (her response "I can't be mean" which was kind of funny because she is always the most critical of anyone I know other than my grandmother. Well intentioned but critical). Then I texted my friend Danielle who is one of my biggest supporters and the friend I am most comfortable talking about it with, and she is going to also check a few times a week. I haven't decided how much further to take it but that's a solid start. Today my mom volunteered to kick in an extra bonus at the 3 week mark and offered to take me for a massage at her favorite spa.
To say I'm grateful to my sister would be an understatement. I know that I'm lucky to have family and friends that I can talk openly about my trich and seek support from when it gets bad. I have never employed this tactic before but I don't want to let my sister down and I know she will not let us go for dinner unless I succeed. Being accountable only to myself has not worked so I'm going to try this new approach.
When I turn 32 next month it will be 24 years that I have been struggling with trich. Seeing that number makes me so angry but 25 years, a full quarter century, is an anniversary I just refuse to have. Wish me luck! I hope that anyone reading this maybe reaches out to the people around them- it's amazing what support can do and how supportive people who love you can be, really.
Wishing you all the best,
K.
Things have been pretty awful and I"m not sure where to begin. I don't know why it's been so bad- it's not as though things are any more stressful than usual (and the wedding planning is going fine and really not very stressful). I just pulled everything. My eyelashes were a disaster and my eyebrows non-existent. I even started pulling out my head hair a bit which was new for me. Of course such dramatic pulling just left me feeling like crap and completely self conscious. Out came the safety pin while I nearly cut myself open (yes, there was a lot of blood) trying to get out an ingrown hair around my navel. It wasn't pretty. I didn't even need the tweezers and instead managed to pull out some hairs by using scissors, yes scissors, to close them almost all the way and then tug- a little more complicated but almost as effective as tweezers.
About a month ago I finally got the eyelashes back under control which is good because the last few years they have fared better then my eyebrows (despite pulling only my eyelashes for the first 10 years of my trich battle). Through it all I never pulled a single eyelash from my bottom eyelid which is a little weird to me. My eyebrows are another story- every time they started to regrow I would attack them with a vengeance, unable to abstain from pulling the prickly little hairs. I have had no willpower when it comes to trich and yet I've been able to lose almost 20 pounds since
Then came yesterday. I honestly don't even remember exactly how it came up but once again my sister is amazing. No real surprise but she is. We were talking on Gchat as we do throughout almost every day and somehow got on the topic of trich and the wedding, which is now about 70+ days away. We came up with a strategy- if I can go 6 weeks without pulling (the time it takes to regrow most of the hair so I've heard) then we will go out to a super nice dinner and I will pay. That may sound a little strange as incentive but the place we picked has incredibly unhealthy yet delicious items on the menu, like lobster mac and cheese, that we love and never eat. Since it's very pricey, and she wouldn't go otherwise, it keeps her motivated to stay on me since she wants her meal. haha.
Now the motivation part and here is where I tie in the title of this blog post. My biggest motivator is the belief that people will, and do, look at me strangely because of my penciled in hair (and I'm sure bald spots on my head wouldn't help but fortunately it hasnt gotten to that point, yet). The idea of also having wedding pictures for years with possibly awkward colored eyebrows also is in the back of my mind (which can happen although I somehow don't notice until I see the photo). She is going to grill me on it every day. She is also going to text me at night, when its the worst (around 10pm) and in the morning and tell me, not so nicely, to stop pulling. Despite her hesitation I have asked her to please be mean about it- to tell me that "it will look weird" or "everyone will notice" or "you dont want to look like an idiot"- stuff like that. It may sound harsh, and I'm sure is really not true although in my mind it is and that motivates me.
Then came the call for the rest of the village. Before I knew it she had texted my boyfriend (hate the word fiance so we are sticking with boyfriend or "matrimonial candidate") and told him that he needs to get on my case more. And my mother (her response "I can't be mean" which was kind of funny because she is always the most critical of anyone I know other than my grandmother. Well intentioned but critical). Then I texted my friend Danielle who is one of my biggest supporters and the friend I am most comfortable talking about it with, and she is going to also check a few times a week. I haven't decided how much further to take it but that's a solid start. Today my mom volunteered to kick in an extra bonus at the 3 week mark and offered to take me for a massage at her favorite spa.
To say I'm grateful to my sister would be an understatement. I know that I'm lucky to have family and friends that I can talk openly about my trich and seek support from when it gets bad. I have never employed this tactic before but I don't want to let my sister down and I know she will not let us go for dinner unless I succeed. Being accountable only to myself has not worked so I'm going to try this new approach.
When I turn 32 next month it will be 24 years that I have been struggling with trich. Seeing that number makes me so angry but 25 years, a full quarter century, is an anniversary I just refuse to have. Wish me luck! I hope that anyone reading this maybe reaches out to the people around them- it's amazing what support can do and how supportive people who love you can be, really.
Wishing you all the best,
K.
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