I live in a city of over 8 million people. One would think that with that many people you wouldn't have many chance encounters. Sure, I see friends in my neighborhood and places that I know are local hang outs. And yes, once in a while I will just randomly run into someone somewhere unexpected but that should be the exception, not the rule.
There is one person in this city I never wanted to see again. One person. Out of 8 million. Its now official that the phrase "what are the odds?" just doesnt apply to me (seriously, people have been saying that to me a lot over the years and the only time it hasnt come true is the lotto- go figure).
Anyway, on Friday I was leaving the courthouse kind of late- much later than I usually do- since I stayed to speak to my client and her family after the scheduled status conference. We were walking to the subway and I was listening to my client and her family discuss how they were getting home. I had my head down and was honestly paying more attention to making sure I didnt trip in my heels than with listening to my clients. Then I looked up.
Coming out of the subway was the only ex-boyfriend I have lost complete contact with. Remember the Italian guy from a few months ago? The one who turned out to be a total liar who was married? The one who was supposed to be in Italy taking care of his seriously ill mother? Oh yes, thats the one. And he was stariing at me. While my stomach turned itself in knots and lodged itself right in my throat I managed to keep my cool. Fortunately I was with my clients so he didnt approach me and I certainly didnt approach him- when I found out he was married I told him I never wanted to see him again and I wasnt kidding. I NEVER wanted to see him again. He was the first guy in years I've really liked and I was just feeling like the whole thing was behind me.
And then there he was. Yes, it sucked. Yes, it brought it all back up. And yes, normally I would have gone home and probably given into the urges that would inevitable rear their ugly heads while I got rid of my nervous energy. But I DIDNT PULL A SINGLE HAIR. Nope, I made it. The best part of the entire awful encounter was that I looked and felt good while he looked tired and crappy. I even had on a cute outfit (thank god i decided to suffer in heels-which I rarely do-and I had a great dress on!)
Having my hair back is just part of the equation. Fighting trich has caused me to find strength in myself I didnt even know I had. Being open and honest has given me courage rather than the shame and embarrassment I've felt for years. I felt good, really good, and in a situation like that, isnt that all you can hope for? to walk away feeling good about yourself ?(even if you still hate the situation and feel sadness over the loss of the person from your life?). Friday night I didnt want to pull because not only do I not want to lose my hair again, I dont want to lose that confidence and strength in myself- he will NOT take that away from me :)
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Quarterly Review (Part 2)
Before I continue sharing some of the tips that I've found helpful, I want to emphasize that I often have to try multiple things when an urge to pull arises. Get creative. If one distraction doesnt work, find another. If you cant stop thinking about pulling, leave your house, call a friend, start cooking, just DO SOMETHING ELSE. I know all too well how urges can last for hours and consume my thoughts so just implement every tip you've ever heard until something works or the urge subsides.
Daydream: This may sound silly but lately I've found this to help. Sometimes I will rub my fingers across my eyelashes or eyebrows and become incredibly aware of one particular hair that seems too thick, out of place, etc. I will focus all my energy on that hair and become consumed with thinking about it, it almost feels as though it is begging me to be pulled (rationally I know that as soon as I pull this one hair, there will be another one just like it somewhere else and the slippery slope will continue).
Think of something else. I'll start trying to imagine what I would do if I were to win the lottery- who I would give money to, what I would buy, charities I would donate to. I'll imagine what it would be like to be a particular character in a movie or TV show. I'll start picturing myself with a new job or opening up my own firm and try to think about how my life would be different and how I could go about actually making it happen. It can be anything- as you see, my list is kind of cheesy but it has to be a pretty imaginative scenario because you need to think it through in order to refocus your thoughts about pulling. I've found that it can take a little while but this can sometimes help because I can get so caught up in the 'daydream' that by the time I'm done imagining some crazy scenario the urge has subsided.
Think of why you want to stop: This is obviously much easier said than done. Anyone with trich knows that all we want to do is stop pulling and we are all too aware of how much it can suck and how much shame trich can bring. We all have lots of reasons we want to stop, but how often do we really put it down on paper?
One of the things I've done with this blog is try and post, after most entries, another reason that I want to stop. At one point I compiled the list and when i'm having a tough trich day, I'll look it over and see how much control trich has taken over in my life. When I am forced to see, not just think, about all the negative trich has caused me, it can remind me not to give up. Seeing, on paper (or online), reason after reason to stop just makes me angry at trich and makes me want to fight this disease that much more- to find a way to stop that can maybe help me and others.
Never, never, never give up & always forgive yourself: Also easier said than done. Some days are a lot easier than others but trich is never giving up on beating you so why should I give up on beating trich? One of us is going to win this battle and its not going to be trich. It's kind of like a boxing match- you can win a round, trich can win a round, but someone has to win the fight.
Although I've had this disease for over twenty years I think I've really just come to terms with it in the last few months. I've accepted that trich is like many other illnesses or addictions- we didnt choose to get it but we can choose to fight it. And some days we will lose.
I used to be so angry with myself when I would slip, I'd think of all the progress I had ruined in minutes (if not seconds). I'd get sidetracked with my mission to beat trich and would just feel hopeless and powerless. I've changed how I think about this. Now, if I slip, I forgive myself. I know that I am not going to change 20+ years of behavior overnight, but I can control how I react to a slip. I can give up or I can forgive myself, pick back up and forge ahead. Just because I pulled one doesnt me I have to pull them all. I consider it progress that now, if I do have a slip (which is obviously not ideal) I am able to stop after just one. Thats an accomplishment. Four months ago that would have been unheard of. Four months ago I would have given up. I've never done this well and I should be so proud of myself for the progress I have made.
This isnt meant to rationalize the slips but if I do slip I try and learn what I did wrong so I dont do that again. What's the lesson in the slip? What was I not paying attention to? what didnt I try in that situation that could have helped me stop? Rather than being angry at myself for slipping, I'm angry at trich for creeping back in- I'm going to kick trich's ass in the next round.
Bring on the exhaustion: My last tip is kind of a continuation of yesterdays suggestion to change your routine. I recently read an article with suggestions for becoming more effective and productive in life. One of the suggestions was to get up early- that people who wake up really early tend to have a more productive day and have less stress in life.
This has not been easy for me in practice because I am not a morning person but it is actually a really good tip. Every 2-3 days I'll set my alarm for 15 minutes earlier than it was and my goal is to get up around 5am every day (usually I go to bed around 1 am since I dont even get home from work until circa 8:00 and everyone needs time to hang out at night). I have to admit that this extra time in the morning, to hang out, have a cup of coffee, make a sandwich for lunch, play with my cat, whatever it is really sets the tone for the whole day. I'm going to throw yoga into the mix eventually but even without the yoga I'm generally feeling less stressed.
This has two benefits. (1) I've read countless studies which say that the more stressed we are, the more difficult it can be to overcome the urge to pull, and (2) I typically pull at night after I've relaxed for a little while and my guard is down. Getting up earlier makes me want to go to bed earlier and so I'm eliminating a lot of that "guard down" time.
I think there is a difference between relaxation time and "guard down" time. Guard down time kind of refers to that time of night when you are more likely to be a little daring- perhaps call an ex or a guy that you dont normally have the courage to call, to write an email to your boss rather than "sleeping on it" and waking up to reread in the morning only to realize you definitely should not be sending the email. Hopefully that makes sense. I can relax, watch TV, but there comes a point where I'm just not as aware of my actions. By waking up earlier, I still give myself time to unwind at night but not time to hang out with my guard down against trich.
Anyway, those are the best tips I can share and I hope that they are helpful. Good luck and thank you for not just reading but for all your support- it's helped me more than you can ever know and I hope that we can all beat this together!
Daydream: This may sound silly but lately I've found this to help. Sometimes I will rub my fingers across my eyelashes or eyebrows and become incredibly aware of one particular hair that seems too thick, out of place, etc. I will focus all my energy on that hair and become consumed with thinking about it, it almost feels as though it is begging me to be pulled (rationally I know that as soon as I pull this one hair, there will be another one just like it somewhere else and the slippery slope will continue).
Think of something else. I'll start trying to imagine what I would do if I were to win the lottery- who I would give money to, what I would buy, charities I would donate to. I'll imagine what it would be like to be a particular character in a movie or TV show. I'll start picturing myself with a new job or opening up my own firm and try to think about how my life would be different and how I could go about actually making it happen. It can be anything- as you see, my list is kind of cheesy but it has to be a pretty imaginative scenario because you need to think it through in order to refocus your thoughts about pulling. I've found that it can take a little while but this can sometimes help because I can get so caught up in the 'daydream' that by the time I'm done imagining some crazy scenario the urge has subsided.
Think of why you want to stop: This is obviously much easier said than done. Anyone with trich knows that all we want to do is stop pulling and we are all too aware of how much it can suck and how much shame trich can bring. We all have lots of reasons we want to stop, but how often do we really put it down on paper?
One of the things I've done with this blog is try and post, after most entries, another reason that I want to stop. At one point I compiled the list and when i'm having a tough trich day, I'll look it over and see how much control trich has taken over in my life. When I am forced to see, not just think, about all the negative trich has caused me, it can remind me not to give up. Seeing, on paper (or online), reason after reason to stop just makes me angry at trich and makes me want to fight this disease that much more- to find a way to stop that can maybe help me and others.
Never, never, never give up & always forgive yourself: Also easier said than done. Some days are a lot easier than others but trich is never giving up on beating you so why should I give up on beating trich? One of us is going to win this battle and its not going to be trich. It's kind of like a boxing match- you can win a round, trich can win a round, but someone has to win the fight.
Although I've had this disease for over twenty years I think I've really just come to terms with it in the last few months. I've accepted that trich is like many other illnesses or addictions- we didnt choose to get it but we can choose to fight it. And some days we will lose.
I used to be so angry with myself when I would slip, I'd think of all the progress I had ruined in minutes (if not seconds). I'd get sidetracked with my mission to beat trich and would just feel hopeless and powerless. I've changed how I think about this. Now, if I slip, I forgive myself. I know that I am not going to change 20+ years of behavior overnight, but I can control how I react to a slip. I can give up or I can forgive myself, pick back up and forge ahead. Just because I pulled one doesnt me I have to pull them all. I consider it progress that now, if I do have a slip (which is obviously not ideal) I am able to stop after just one. Thats an accomplishment. Four months ago that would have been unheard of. Four months ago I would have given up. I've never done this well and I should be so proud of myself for the progress I have made.
This isnt meant to rationalize the slips but if I do slip I try and learn what I did wrong so I dont do that again. What's the lesson in the slip? What was I not paying attention to? what didnt I try in that situation that could have helped me stop? Rather than being angry at myself for slipping, I'm angry at trich for creeping back in- I'm going to kick trich's ass in the next round.
Bring on the exhaustion: My last tip is kind of a continuation of yesterdays suggestion to change your routine. I recently read an article with suggestions for becoming more effective and productive in life. One of the suggestions was to get up early- that people who wake up really early tend to have a more productive day and have less stress in life.
This has not been easy for me in practice because I am not a morning person but it is actually a really good tip. Every 2-3 days I'll set my alarm for 15 minutes earlier than it was and my goal is to get up around 5am every day (usually I go to bed around 1 am since I dont even get home from work until circa 8:00 and everyone needs time to hang out at night). I have to admit that this extra time in the morning, to hang out, have a cup of coffee, make a sandwich for lunch, play with my cat, whatever it is really sets the tone for the whole day. I'm going to throw yoga into the mix eventually but even without the yoga I'm generally feeling less stressed.
This has two benefits. (1) I've read countless studies which say that the more stressed we are, the more difficult it can be to overcome the urge to pull, and (2) I typically pull at night after I've relaxed for a little while and my guard is down. Getting up earlier makes me want to go to bed earlier and so I'm eliminating a lot of that "guard down" time.
I think there is a difference between relaxation time and "guard down" time. Guard down time kind of refers to that time of night when you are more likely to be a little daring- perhaps call an ex or a guy that you dont normally have the courage to call, to write an email to your boss rather than "sleeping on it" and waking up to reread in the morning only to realize you definitely should not be sending the email. Hopefully that makes sense. I can relax, watch TV, but there comes a point where I'm just not as aware of my actions. By waking up earlier, I still give myself time to unwind at night but not time to hang out with my guard down against trich.
Anyway, those are the best tips I can share and I hope that they are helpful. Good luck and thank you for not just reading but for all your support- it's helped me more than you can ever know and I hope that we can all beat this together!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Quarterly Review (Part 1 of 2)
I took last week off to go down to Florida and de-stress a bit which was fabulous (although I think it was warmer in NYC). It also gave me some time to really think about the last few months and the progress I've made with trich but it also gave me time to think about what I havent been giving to those who are kind enough to read my blog. I dont feel as though I've really given any helpful advice- I've talked a lot about what its like and kind of touched on what I'm doing but not the full extent.
Obviously I'm not an expert although I would think that having the disease for 20+ years could qualify me as one in a court of law (the lawyer in me never fails to come through). I remember countless times that I've searched online for success stories- people that have really beaten trich- only to be disappointed with the results.
I'm not a success story- yes, I have back 99% of my eyelashes and eyebrows and have had them for over a month now but its still a daily struggle. That said, I know there are some people who would LOVE to be where I am with trich. I cant give that to you, I think it is different for everyone but I'm going to use this post to do a little recap and hopefully offer enough suggestions about what I've tried that it will work for someone else.
Online obsession: For years I pretended my trich didnt consume most of my life but now I am almost obsessed with it. I've spent countless hours researching advice, tips, anything. Obviously I've also started this blog. I've joined the online yahoo group (which you can find on the TLC website). I have tried to gather as much info on the disease itself and on any possible tip that could help me beat the urges.
My online obsession has helped in a few ways. You never know what tips might help but also forcing myself to confront trich head on has made me extremely conscious of my behavior. Sometimes you dont even realize you are pulling but when you think about trich all the time, you suddenly become much more aware of your urges and your behavioral patterns. Also, connecting with other people that have trich is incredibly comforting. The support I've received from this blog and from the online group has been amazing- its not often people understand what its like but having people dealing with the same daily struggle as you, particularly when its anonymous, is great.
For some reason I found this website, http://www.empowher.com/users/natalie, particularly helpful. I cant explain it too well but it was the first time I've ever seen someone with trich that I felt I could relate to(besides family and to be honest I've never actually met anyone else with trich-usually people I've spoke to are online and you dont see their face so its hard to personally relate sometimes). Hearing this woman speak about her struggle made me feel more confident about my own. Also, the TLC website is a great resource and obviously other peoples blogs on trichs can be great (when they are consistent which isnt always the case)-you can access several of them through TLC's website.
Opening up to friends and family: As you may have read in previous posts, I have come out to lots of friends and family about my trich over the last three months. At first it was awful and hard and I could barely get the words out without crying. I rarely spoke about it openly before- my family knew and a handful of friends have been told over the years but this was something different. I told everyone from my hairdresser to the make up artist at MAC to friends I've only had for a couple of years. I've told more people than I've even mentioned on my blog.
In my mind, doing this was my point of not return. I made myself accountable and I cant tell you how good it now feels. What I never expected was how many people replied with "i used to pull out ______" or "i do something similar". It was shocking- I've been so consumed with my own shame that I never realized how many people really have similar problems. While I know from personal experience that not everyone reacts positively to learning about someone pulling out their hair, out of the 20 or so people I've now told not a single one has judged me and everyone has been incredibly supportive.
In all honesty, very few of the people that I've told have followed up and asked me about how I'm doing but I know its not because they dont care, its because they do and they know how hard it has been (in the past) for me to talk about. Sometimes I'll just bring it up to them to try and show that I can talk about it but even when this doesnt happen I know that they know. I know that i cant hide my trich behind BS excuses any more and that if they didnt notice the missing eyelashes and eyebrows before, they certainly do now and so I cant fail. Every little bit helps.
If there was one thing I could recommend to people with trich it would be to start talking about it openly. Yes, it is not going to be easy at first but it is worth it and now I'd really have no problem telling a complete stranger. Really (3 months ago even the idea of that may have sent me into a complete panic).
Change your routine:I would guess that we all have places or situations where we tend to pull more than others. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I have organized my entire apartment just to keep busy- down to my utensil drawers in the kitchen. Anything that keeps me busy for as long as possible is a plus. When I get home from work I immediately go wash my face- not just with face wash but with toner, and cleansing pads, mud masks, collagen creme- the works. And i now do this every day. The tingling, clean feeling makes me not want to touch my face.
When you have an urge, move. Literally, get off your butt and find something to do. I have walked around my apartment in the middle of the night like a zombie (granted I was still awake since I dont pull as much in bed but I was still exhausted) and organized my DVD collection just to buy myself some time until an urge subsided. This takes real commitment. Do whatever it takes to break up the urge- sometimes, especially at first, this can mean a constant up and down rather than relaxing and watching TV on the sofa. As soon as I find myself absentmindedly stroking my hair (even if i'm telling myself i wont pull) I break up my routine and go somewhere else in my apartment, do something else, whatever it takes to keep busy.
Changes in diet: This is a topic I havent gone into much on my blog. Through my research I've found several suggestions for changing my diet but frankly I didnt think I could ever sacrifice my caffeine and chocolate addiction, even if it meant beating trich. I mean, is anything worth giving up coffee and chocolate?
Ok, I cant say that I've given them up but I've definitely cut back and I dont know if its the fact I'm 3 months into this battle anyway or actually the change in my diet but the urges are getting significantly better. I noticed this first when I was in Florida. Rather than my standard venti bold Starbucks in the morning followed by another regular sized coffee during the day I was only have one cup of coffee in the morning (its also been hard since i'm convinced my massive caffeine intake keeps me thin without working out but I digress). Last week I also wasnt having my regular daily chocolate intake (which can sometimes consist of up to 4 cadbury eggs a day which I"m obsessed with). I'm trying to do about the same with coffee and caffeine this week to make sure it really is diet and not just the general relaxation mode that comes with being on vacation. The urges this week have been MUCH better than they usually are. Still havent decided if it's worth it (assuming I can keep up progress without going into chocolate withdrawal) but its certainly worth really considering...........
Anyway, thats about all I can write for now but I will follow up with more tomorrow. Again, I hope that maybe something will help anyone that is reading who feels as lost as I did. Good luck!
Obviously I'm not an expert although I would think that having the disease for 20+ years could qualify me as one in a court of law (the lawyer in me never fails to come through). I remember countless times that I've searched online for success stories- people that have really beaten trich- only to be disappointed with the results.
I'm not a success story- yes, I have back 99% of my eyelashes and eyebrows and have had them for over a month now but its still a daily struggle. That said, I know there are some people who would LOVE to be where I am with trich. I cant give that to you, I think it is different for everyone but I'm going to use this post to do a little recap and hopefully offer enough suggestions about what I've tried that it will work for someone else.
Online obsession: For years I pretended my trich didnt consume most of my life but now I am almost obsessed with it. I've spent countless hours researching advice, tips, anything. Obviously I've also started this blog. I've joined the online yahoo group (which you can find on the TLC website). I have tried to gather as much info on the disease itself and on any possible tip that could help me beat the urges.
My online obsession has helped in a few ways. You never know what tips might help but also forcing myself to confront trich head on has made me extremely conscious of my behavior. Sometimes you dont even realize you are pulling but when you think about trich all the time, you suddenly become much more aware of your urges and your behavioral patterns. Also, connecting with other people that have trich is incredibly comforting. The support I've received from this blog and from the online group has been amazing- its not often people understand what its like but having people dealing with the same daily struggle as you, particularly when its anonymous, is great.
For some reason I found this website, http://www.empowher.com/users/natalie, particularly helpful. I cant explain it too well but it was the first time I've ever seen someone with trich that I felt I could relate to(besides family and to be honest I've never actually met anyone else with trich-usually people I've spoke to are online and you dont see their face so its hard to personally relate sometimes). Hearing this woman speak about her struggle made me feel more confident about my own. Also, the TLC website is a great resource and obviously other peoples blogs on trichs can be great (when they are consistent which isnt always the case)-you can access several of them through TLC's website.
Opening up to friends and family: As you may have read in previous posts, I have come out to lots of friends and family about my trich over the last three months. At first it was awful and hard and I could barely get the words out without crying. I rarely spoke about it openly before- my family knew and a handful of friends have been told over the years but this was something different. I told everyone from my hairdresser to the make up artist at MAC to friends I've only had for a couple of years. I've told more people than I've even mentioned on my blog.
In my mind, doing this was my point of not return. I made myself accountable and I cant tell you how good it now feels. What I never expected was how many people replied with "i used to pull out ______" or "i do something similar". It was shocking- I've been so consumed with my own shame that I never realized how many people really have similar problems. While I know from personal experience that not everyone reacts positively to learning about someone pulling out their hair, out of the 20 or so people I've now told not a single one has judged me and everyone has been incredibly supportive.
In all honesty, very few of the people that I've told have followed up and asked me about how I'm doing but I know its not because they dont care, its because they do and they know how hard it has been (in the past) for me to talk about. Sometimes I'll just bring it up to them to try and show that I can talk about it but even when this doesnt happen I know that they know. I know that i cant hide my trich behind BS excuses any more and that if they didnt notice the missing eyelashes and eyebrows before, they certainly do now and so I cant fail. Every little bit helps.
If there was one thing I could recommend to people with trich it would be to start talking about it openly. Yes, it is not going to be easy at first but it is worth it and now I'd really have no problem telling a complete stranger. Really (3 months ago even the idea of that may have sent me into a complete panic).
Change your routine:I would guess that we all have places or situations where we tend to pull more than others. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I have organized my entire apartment just to keep busy- down to my utensil drawers in the kitchen. Anything that keeps me busy for as long as possible is a plus. When I get home from work I immediately go wash my face- not just with face wash but with toner, and cleansing pads, mud masks, collagen creme- the works. And i now do this every day. The tingling, clean feeling makes me not want to touch my face.
When you have an urge, move. Literally, get off your butt and find something to do. I have walked around my apartment in the middle of the night like a zombie (granted I was still awake since I dont pull as much in bed but I was still exhausted) and organized my DVD collection just to buy myself some time until an urge subsided. This takes real commitment. Do whatever it takes to break up the urge- sometimes, especially at first, this can mean a constant up and down rather than relaxing and watching TV on the sofa. As soon as I find myself absentmindedly stroking my hair (even if i'm telling myself i wont pull) I break up my routine and go somewhere else in my apartment, do something else, whatever it takes to keep busy.
Changes in diet: This is a topic I havent gone into much on my blog. Through my research I've found several suggestions for changing my diet but frankly I didnt think I could ever sacrifice my caffeine and chocolate addiction, even if it meant beating trich. I mean, is anything worth giving up coffee and chocolate?
Ok, I cant say that I've given them up but I've definitely cut back and I dont know if its the fact I'm 3 months into this battle anyway or actually the change in my diet but the urges are getting significantly better. I noticed this first when I was in Florida. Rather than my standard venti bold Starbucks in the morning followed by another regular sized coffee during the day I was only have one cup of coffee in the morning (its also been hard since i'm convinced my massive caffeine intake keeps me thin without working out but I digress). Last week I also wasnt having my regular daily chocolate intake (which can sometimes consist of up to 4 cadbury eggs a day which I"m obsessed with). I'm trying to do about the same with coffee and caffeine this week to make sure it really is diet and not just the general relaxation mode that comes with being on vacation. The urges this week have been MUCH better than they usually are. Still havent decided if it's worth it (assuming I can keep up progress without going into chocolate withdrawal) but its certainly worth really considering...........
Anyway, thats about all I can write for now but I will follow up with more tomorrow. Again, I hope that maybe something will help anyone that is reading who feels as lost as I did. Good luck!
Friday, March 19, 2010
A little hiatus
I just wanted to write a quick post to let everyone know that I have not forgotten about my blog nor have I intentionally stopped writing. I spent the last week bumming around Florida and enjoying the wonderful (but not super sunny) weather.
As for my trich this past week- I went the entire week without so much as a single urge and then last night I got back around 2am, decided to put on the TV for a bit and somehow started thinking about all I had to do. Without even realizing I was doing it I pulled out an eyelash. I immediately stopped myself, got up and moved around, washed my face, and went to bed. I've realized that I have to be extra careful when I am tired since my ability to fight off the urges certainly coincides with my exhaustion level.
Anyway, I'm proud to say that with the exception of that one slip I am still doing great. More updates later but for now I have to go unpack and run some errands! Hope everyone has had a great pull-free week!
As for my trich this past week- I went the entire week without so much as a single urge and then last night I got back around 2am, decided to put on the TV for a bit and somehow started thinking about all I had to do. Without even realizing I was doing it I pulled out an eyelash. I immediately stopped myself, got up and moved around, washed my face, and went to bed. I've realized that I have to be extra careful when I am tired since my ability to fight off the urges certainly coincides with my exhaustion level.
Anyway, I'm proud to say that with the exception of that one slip I am still doing great. More updates later but for now I have to go unpack and run some errands! Hope everyone has had a great pull-free week!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Bat those lashes
Today I was in court with my client who showed up about an hour late. Unfortunately, being late means you get stuck on a list with dozens of attorneys in front of you and you never know how long they will take with their client once in front of the Judge. This morning was almost painful.
Anyway, after waiting for about an hour and a half I approached the court officer (for the second time) to ask how many cases were still in front of mine. This is one of the situations where being a female criminal defense attorney can really work in my favor. His response "bat your eyes at me and your case will be next". I'm not kidding.
It took me a quick second to run through my checklist- 1. I need to get out of here and get back to the office, 2. today is my last day before my vacation begins, 3. do I have eyelashes?
Exhale. Stomach unknots. Yes! I can do this! I actually have lashes (that i was so close to pulling out once again last night) and so, for the first time ever, I put aside my pride and the general awkwardness of the situation and batted my lashes (I would imagine that batting your eyelids doesnt have quite the same effect).
I'm not going to lie, it was weird. I'm not a cutesy/blatantly flirty type of girl to begin with but I had stuff to do and places to go. Anyway, thank god I had something to 'bat' at him because that could have been a pretty shitty and awkward situation. Who asks that anyway? Apparently he does.
Once again I am relieved that I have continued to stay strong and that my self confidence didnt have to suffer yet another uncomfortable blow as I tried to awkwardly avoid the situation or make up an excuse to run to the bathroom and untie all the knots that had formed in my stomach. This was a situation I've never encountered before but lucky for me it occurred a couple months AFTER i decided to wage my own war against trich.
Reason #28 to stop- need to be able to "bat those lashes" on command - never know when you'll be asked.
Anyway, after waiting for about an hour and a half I approached the court officer (for the second time) to ask how many cases were still in front of mine. This is one of the situations where being a female criminal defense attorney can really work in my favor. His response "bat your eyes at me and your case will be next". I'm not kidding.
It took me a quick second to run through my checklist- 1. I need to get out of here and get back to the office, 2. today is my last day before my vacation begins, 3. do I have eyelashes?
Exhale. Stomach unknots. Yes! I can do this! I actually have lashes (that i was so close to pulling out once again last night) and so, for the first time ever, I put aside my pride and the general awkwardness of the situation and batted my lashes (I would imagine that batting your eyelids doesnt have quite the same effect).
I'm not going to lie, it was weird. I'm not a cutesy/blatantly flirty type of girl to begin with but I had stuff to do and places to go. Anyway, thank god I had something to 'bat' at him because that could have been a pretty shitty and awkward situation. Who asks that anyway? Apparently he does.
Once again I am relieved that I have continued to stay strong and that my self confidence didnt have to suffer yet another uncomfortable blow as I tried to awkwardly avoid the situation or make up an excuse to run to the bathroom and untie all the knots that had formed in my stomach. This was a situation I've never encountered before but lucky for me it occurred a couple months AFTER i decided to wage my own war against trich.
Reason #28 to stop- need to be able to "bat those lashes" on command - never know when you'll be asked.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A lifetime of excuses
Yesterday I wrote about opening up to those close to me and the positive reactions Ive been fortunate enough to receive, however, I know that this isn't always the case. It also got me thinking about the times when someone has noticed my missing eyelashes and eyebrows and how I've dealt with those situations- with BS excuses.
The first time I remember being called out on my trich was in the 3rd grade. I even remember the outfit I was wearing. I don't know what was going on in the 3rd grade, perhaps my transition to a new school where I didn't know many people, but this is pretty much around the time my trich began and things are pretty clear. Anyway, I was sitting at my desk next to Chad, a kid who ended up on my swim team (another awesome situation to have to deal with trich), and we were talking about the multiplication test when he looked at me and said "where are your eyelashes?" Oddly enough, the only thing I don't remember is what I said in response.
A kid in college, D, also knew (i referred to this yesterday) and he was the worst out of everyone. He was an awkward guy to begin with and didnt seem to have any sense of personal boundaries. I dont remember at what point he noticed, but he would NEVER let it go. He would come up to me in parties and ask me why I had no eyelashes. It was awful. I would feel sick to my stomach, I would begin to sweat and grow anxious, terrified someone would overhear or that he would tell someone.
At first I made up a lame excuse about how I was having a reaction to medication I was on and then I would just try and ignore him. I avoided him at all costs and I don't know if he ever knew why. I ran into him a few years after college, at a party I was throwing in the city with a friend, and he showed up. First thing he did was come up to me, look me in the face and comment that my eyelashes were still missing. To this day part of me hates him- justified or not.
I've used the medication excuse more than once over the last 21 years- I think that may be my favorite excuse although the older I've gotten the more I've realized it doesn't make sense. Why would I be allergic to medicine and the only hair loss just happens to be my eyelashes and eyebrows- nothing else. Somehow I convinced myself that others would buy this and to a certain extent I think maybe they did.
The last time someone called me out unexpectedly was about 5 years ago. I was living in DC and was going rock climbing with my then roommate. I was driving, without sunglasses (damn bright lights giving things away) and she was talking to me when she just stopped and asked why I had no eyelashes. I again used the medication excuse, declaring that they should be back in soon (hoping my current attempt to beat trich would be successful- obviously it wasn't). She didn't press the issue, just commented that she'd never noticed in the year or so we'd been living together.
Those are just a few examples but I feel as though I've come up with some other random excuses over the years. The worst part is when it catches you off guard and that sick-to-your-stomach feeling that immediately arises when you try and think of what excuse will sound the more plausible.
Writing this blog each day has really reminded me of all the awful and uncomfortable situations trich has caused me. Little memories have come up and I just have to keep reminding myself of them when the urges are at their worst (like last night- ugh, last night sucked but I managed to hang in there). I want to be done with the excuses, the lies, the covering it up- I want to be done with all the crap that trich brought along with it for the last 21 years. This time I'm not giving up.
Reason #27- that sick-to-your-stomach feeling that arises when someone unexpectedly notices or comments about my missing hair.
The first time I remember being called out on my trich was in the 3rd grade. I even remember the outfit I was wearing. I don't know what was going on in the 3rd grade, perhaps my transition to a new school where I didn't know many people, but this is pretty much around the time my trich began and things are pretty clear. Anyway, I was sitting at my desk next to Chad, a kid who ended up on my swim team (another awesome situation to have to deal with trich), and we were talking about the multiplication test when he looked at me and said "where are your eyelashes?" Oddly enough, the only thing I don't remember is what I said in response.
A kid in college, D, also knew (i referred to this yesterday) and he was the worst out of everyone. He was an awkward guy to begin with and didnt seem to have any sense of personal boundaries. I dont remember at what point he noticed, but he would NEVER let it go. He would come up to me in parties and ask me why I had no eyelashes. It was awful. I would feel sick to my stomach, I would begin to sweat and grow anxious, terrified someone would overhear or that he would tell someone.
At first I made up a lame excuse about how I was having a reaction to medication I was on and then I would just try and ignore him. I avoided him at all costs and I don't know if he ever knew why. I ran into him a few years after college, at a party I was throwing in the city with a friend, and he showed up. First thing he did was come up to me, look me in the face and comment that my eyelashes were still missing. To this day part of me hates him- justified or not.
I've used the medication excuse more than once over the last 21 years- I think that may be my favorite excuse although the older I've gotten the more I've realized it doesn't make sense. Why would I be allergic to medicine and the only hair loss just happens to be my eyelashes and eyebrows- nothing else. Somehow I convinced myself that others would buy this and to a certain extent I think maybe they did.
The last time someone called me out unexpectedly was about 5 years ago. I was living in DC and was going rock climbing with my then roommate. I was driving, without sunglasses (damn bright lights giving things away) and she was talking to me when she just stopped and asked why I had no eyelashes. I again used the medication excuse, declaring that they should be back in soon (hoping my current attempt to beat trich would be successful- obviously it wasn't). She didn't press the issue, just commented that she'd never noticed in the year or so we'd been living together.
Those are just a few examples but I feel as though I've come up with some other random excuses over the years. The worst part is when it catches you off guard and that sick-to-your-stomach feeling that immediately arises when you try and think of what excuse will sound the more plausible.
Writing this blog each day has really reminded me of all the awful and uncomfortable situations trich has caused me. Little memories have come up and I just have to keep reminding myself of them when the urges are at their worst (like last night- ugh, last night sucked but I managed to hang in there). I want to be done with the excuses, the lies, the covering it up- I want to be done with all the crap that trich brought along with it for the last 21 years. This time I'm not giving up.
Reason #27- that sick-to-your-stomach feeling that arises when someone unexpectedly notices or comments about my missing hair.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Those who matter won't mind and those who mind wont matter'
It's been just over two months since I started this blog. When I first began I could not imagine talking about my trich with anyone. The support I've received through this blog has been incredible and I truly believe it has helped me progress to this point (thank you!) While it was easier to talk to people who couldn't see me and didn't know me I knew I also had to start opening up to friends and family.
As I've mentioned in the past, I've had mixed results over the years with the few friends I've told about my trich. Since I began this blog I have brought it up to a few of the people who knew already- my parents, my sister and my friend Danielle- and we others who did not. It was hard at first- each time I would tell someone I would burst into tears while trying to confess to my "habit".
It gets easier. Much, much easier. Last Friday night I was out to dinner with a friend who I never would have considered telling just a few months ago. We went to college together, had a few mutual friends but did not really become close until we ended up on the same trip to Israel in 2006. We were catching up (I'll post more about the specifics another time as it relates to trich in a distant way) and I just blurted it out. Each time I tell someone I get more honest about what I do, how I do it and what I'm now trying to accomplish.
The list has grown to include this friend, my best friend Megan, a law school friend, my cousin, my aunt, my grandmother, my hair dresser, some random woman at the Mac store and I think one or two others. I think that's pretty impressive although I just noticed that these are all women. Last night I was going to tell my friend Peter who knows many of my deep, dark secrets but he was in the company of his latest fling when I called. I want to tell him and my best guy friend and then I think I will have my primary support network in place.
In all honesty not many people have followed up and asked me questions despite me asking them to check in on my trich from time to time. I'm sure it must be hard for them and I plan on almost forcing their hand so that I don't just pretend its not an issue anymore.
The one thing that has struck me, in all the people I've now told, is that not one of them judged me (although I think many were surprised having never heard of trich before), they all asked questions and not one of them really ever noticed. I know that may sound hard to believe (and I'm pretty good with using make up to cover up trich but still) but that was the resounding comment by all. They noticed I wore a lot of eyeliner, that my eyebrows were often thin (non-existent but again- thank you eyebrow powder from sephora!) but that's about where it stopped. I think my friend Megan admitted she once noticed I didn't have eyelashes but her comment was "but I never knew you with them so i just didn't think about it".
I have spent 21 years convinced that everyone around me thought I odd or off for not having eyebrows or eyelashes. I have spent countless hours (probably amounting to years) of wasted time worried about what others would think of me and how they would judge me. I spent more time so obsessed with covering up every possible scenario where my trich could be visible. No one noticed. The lawyer in me counters that the countless hours I spent covering it up worked but now I just see it as time in my life that I can never get back. Time I wasted worrying about what others thought.
The quote I used for today's blog is so true. I just wish I knew then what I know now. Your friends wont judge you, they will support you. We are so wrapped up in our own insecurities and shame with this disease that we often cant see that. We have a disease like anyone else. We wouldn't judge someone with a bipolar disorder, with cancer, with MS, we just wouldn't. So why wouldn't people give us the same courtesy? They will, we just have to give them a chance. And if they don't, or they wont take the time to listen and learn about trich, then they weren't a good friend anyway and ultimately they wont matter.
Reason #26- years of time wasted on worrying about what others might think about my trich.
As I've mentioned in the past, I've had mixed results over the years with the few friends I've told about my trich. Since I began this blog I have brought it up to a few of the people who knew already- my parents, my sister and my friend Danielle- and we others who did not. It was hard at first- each time I would tell someone I would burst into tears while trying to confess to my "habit".
It gets easier. Much, much easier. Last Friday night I was out to dinner with a friend who I never would have considered telling just a few months ago. We went to college together, had a few mutual friends but did not really become close until we ended up on the same trip to Israel in 2006. We were catching up (I'll post more about the specifics another time as it relates to trich in a distant way) and I just blurted it out. Each time I tell someone I get more honest about what I do, how I do it and what I'm now trying to accomplish.
The list has grown to include this friend, my best friend Megan, a law school friend, my cousin, my aunt, my grandmother, my hair dresser, some random woman at the Mac store and I think one or two others. I think that's pretty impressive although I just noticed that these are all women. Last night I was going to tell my friend Peter who knows many of my deep, dark secrets but he was in the company of his latest fling when I called. I want to tell him and my best guy friend and then I think I will have my primary support network in place.
In all honesty not many people have followed up and asked me questions despite me asking them to check in on my trich from time to time. I'm sure it must be hard for them and I plan on almost forcing their hand so that I don't just pretend its not an issue anymore.
The one thing that has struck me, in all the people I've now told, is that not one of them judged me (although I think many were surprised having never heard of trich before), they all asked questions and not one of them really ever noticed. I know that may sound hard to believe (and I'm pretty good with using make up to cover up trich but still) but that was the resounding comment by all. They noticed I wore a lot of eyeliner, that my eyebrows were often thin (non-existent but again- thank you eyebrow powder from sephora!) but that's about where it stopped. I think my friend Megan admitted she once noticed I didn't have eyelashes but her comment was "but I never knew you with them so i just didn't think about it".
I have spent 21 years convinced that everyone around me thought I odd or off for not having eyebrows or eyelashes. I have spent countless hours (probably amounting to years) of wasted time worried about what others would think of me and how they would judge me. I spent more time so obsessed with covering up every possible scenario where my trich could be visible. No one noticed. The lawyer in me counters that the countless hours I spent covering it up worked but now I just see it as time in my life that I can never get back. Time I wasted worrying about what others thought.
The quote I used for today's blog is so true. I just wish I knew then what I know now. Your friends wont judge you, they will support you. We are so wrapped up in our own insecurities and shame with this disease that we often cant see that. We have a disease like anyone else. We wouldn't judge someone with a bipolar disorder, with cancer, with MS, we just wouldn't. So why wouldn't people give us the same courtesy? They will, we just have to give them a chance. And if they don't, or they wont take the time to listen and learn about trich, then they weren't a good friend anyway and ultimately they wont matter.
Reason #26- years of time wasted on worrying about what others might think about my trich.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Changing your mind
Most times when people talk of changing their mind, it refers more to when you decide to go with a different option than the one you had originally planned. "I was going to buy the blue sweater but then changed my mind and bought the red". You know what I mean.
In my quest to beat trich, I've learned that I need change the way my mind thinks about hair, not just deal with the behavior. Now that most of my eyelashes and eyebrows are back, I'm having trouble controlling the urges since apparently I try to justify pulling to myself - "it wont make a difference, no one will notice" or "it'll just be one and then I'll stop" or "if I don't pull that one, I'll focus on all of them and do real damage".
Once again I'm going to compare my situation to that of an alcoholic- I cant pull just that one time just like an alcoholic cant drink just that one drink. I dont know who I think i"m kidding and I don't want to be thinking like this since obviously, if I do, I'll never beat trich. So far I've been able to talk myself out of this terrible, pathetic justification but I cant let it take over.
I have to get it through my head that if I allow myself to pull one today, it becomes easier to pull one tomorrow and then it really will make a difference and people really will notice. Obviously I can pull them faster than they can grow back. I've made so much progress and no one wants to go backwards, but to do that, my next step has to be eliminating these thoughts from my head. I have finally gotten to a place where I am not always worried about people discovering my "trich secret". I've change my routines, my behavior, so many things that made pulling easier but now it's time to work on changing my thought process and not letting the bullshit rationales and justifications take over.
The battle continues........
Reason #24- relationship issues caused by trich (hard to really be close to someone when you are hesitant to often be physically close for fear that they will uncover your 'secret' and end the relationship)
In my quest to beat trich, I've learned that I need change the way my mind thinks about hair, not just deal with the behavior. Now that most of my eyelashes and eyebrows are back, I'm having trouble controlling the urges since apparently I try to justify pulling to myself - "it wont make a difference, no one will notice" or "it'll just be one and then I'll stop" or "if I don't pull that one, I'll focus on all of them and do real damage".
Once again I'm going to compare my situation to that of an alcoholic- I cant pull just that one time just like an alcoholic cant drink just that one drink. I dont know who I think i"m kidding and I don't want to be thinking like this since obviously, if I do, I'll never beat trich. So far I've been able to talk myself out of this terrible, pathetic justification but I cant let it take over.
I have to get it through my head that if I allow myself to pull one today, it becomes easier to pull one tomorrow and then it really will make a difference and people really will notice. Obviously I can pull them faster than they can grow back. I've made so much progress and no one wants to go backwards, but to do that, my next step has to be eliminating these thoughts from my head. I have finally gotten to a place where I am not always worried about people discovering my "trich secret". I've change my routines, my behavior, so many things that made pulling easier but now it's time to work on changing my thought process and not letting the bullshit rationales and justifications take over.
The battle continues........
Reason #24- relationship issues caused by trich (hard to really be close to someone when you are hesitant to often be physically close for fear that they will uncover your 'secret' and end the relationship)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Checking in
There isnt much to report from the last few days. Besides my slip the other day I have been doing pretty well although I'm now convinced that when I'm during "that time of month" the urges become worse (not too shocking given the hormonal changes)- thankfully my time is almost up.
I've been definitely feeling an improvement in my overall self confidence- the other day I was sledding outside (bright lights) in the snow (precipitation which used to make makeup smudge) and standing very close to others (another big fear). It felt good to not be worried about keeping my boundaries and just to live in the moment and enjoy. I'm also wondering if this will help improve my "intimacy" issues since now I wont be afraid to be so physically close to someone. It certainly cant hurt.
I just booked a last minute vacation to visit some family in Florida next weekend which I'm hoping will de-stress me a bit and I plan on coming back and getting on a strict exercise/yoga schedule since we all know those things help reduce stress which can help reduce urges. I read somewhere this week that one of the keys to being a "highly effective person" is getting up early and getting some form of exercise each day so every day this week I've pushed my alarm clock back (or forward? i made it earlier) by 15 minutes each day with the goal being a 5:30am wake up and time for yoga or the gym every morning. My goal is not just getting my hair back and keeping it in the short term, but really continuing to focus on behavioral changes which I can keep in place for long term success.
On a side note, knowing how bad the urges have been this week, I bought bingo & crossword scratch off lotto tickets. They are $2 each and take longer than regular scratch offs to see if you win. I've found that when the urges get really bad, I'll pull out a lotto ticket and just keep my hands busy with them for a few minutes and usually, by the time I'm done, the urge is better (it also helps take my mind off the hair i want to pull). Just a suggestion but it's really helped get me through this week and while I've spent about $20 this week in scratch offs, I've already won back $15!
Reason #23- the fear of getting something in my eyes (which isnt hard when you have no lashes and live in NYC) and not being able to have someone else look into my eye and see where that something is (and the worry of whether it will mess up my make up and i wont have time to fix it before people notice).
I've been definitely feeling an improvement in my overall self confidence- the other day I was sledding outside (bright lights) in the snow (precipitation which used to make makeup smudge) and standing very close to others (another big fear). It felt good to not be worried about keeping my boundaries and just to live in the moment and enjoy. I'm also wondering if this will help improve my "intimacy" issues since now I wont be afraid to be so physically close to someone. It certainly cant hurt.
I just booked a last minute vacation to visit some family in Florida next weekend which I'm hoping will de-stress me a bit and I plan on coming back and getting on a strict exercise/yoga schedule since we all know those things help reduce stress which can help reduce urges. I read somewhere this week that one of the keys to being a "highly effective person" is getting up early and getting some form of exercise each day so every day this week I've pushed my alarm clock back (or forward? i made it earlier) by 15 minutes each day with the goal being a 5:30am wake up and time for yoga or the gym every morning. My goal is not just getting my hair back and keeping it in the short term, but really continuing to focus on behavioral changes which I can keep in place for long term success.
On a side note, knowing how bad the urges have been this week, I bought bingo & crossword scratch off lotto tickets. They are $2 each and take longer than regular scratch offs to see if you win. I've found that when the urges get really bad, I'll pull out a lotto ticket and just keep my hands busy with them for a few minutes and usually, by the time I'm done, the urge is better (it also helps take my mind off the hair i want to pull). Just a suggestion but it's really helped get me through this week and while I've spent about $20 this week in scratch offs, I've already won back $15!
Reason #23- the fear of getting something in my eyes (which isnt hard when you have no lashes and live in NYC) and not being able to have someone else look into my eye and see where that something is (and the worry of whether it will mess up my make up and i wont have time to fix it before people notice).
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Things dont always go as planned
Today I was planning on writing about all the good things from this past weekend. I was going to talk about how I faced off, and won, against bright lights, snow (rain), close encounters- so many things that normally i would have been self conscious about but this time around, with my new eyebrows and eyelashes, I was just happy.
But last night I pulled. Twice. I pulled two eyelashes from my right eye that were just a little higher up than the rest of my eyelashes and when I rubbed my fingers over my lashes, I couldnt stop focusing on them. I tried several of my methods to stop pulling- I got up and moved around, I played with my koosh ball thing, I tried reminding myself of why I didnt want to pull but it got the better of me. And looking back on last night I realize I didnt try hard enough. I convinced myself that they wouldnt be missed or even noticed because of all the other lashes. Not cool and I am not happy with the way I tried to rationalize this- such bullshit I'm trying to pull on myself.
On another blog I read the woman once admitted she slipped and then said she thought about lying about it on her blog. I did the same thing this morning but, like her, I refuse to lie to you or to myself. Once again I wish I could say that this struggle was getting easier, and in ways it is, but in many ways its just as hard as ever. We are like alcoholics or drug addicts- we cant have that first drink or just do "one line of coke" again and then go back to our substance -free existence. The pulling is our drug.
Yes, I'm proud of myself that I stopped after just 2, it shows that I have been working hard because now when I do slip and pull, at least I've been able to stop myself before doing serious damage. That said, I need to refocus and perhaps come up with some new ideas for dealing with urges....... I refuse to give up.
Reason #22- years of pictures that I hate to look at because of missing eyelashes/eyebrows and/or really bad make up when I tried to cover up my trich.
But last night I pulled. Twice. I pulled two eyelashes from my right eye that were just a little higher up than the rest of my eyelashes and when I rubbed my fingers over my lashes, I couldnt stop focusing on them. I tried several of my methods to stop pulling- I got up and moved around, I played with my koosh ball thing, I tried reminding myself of why I didnt want to pull but it got the better of me. And looking back on last night I realize I didnt try hard enough. I convinced myself that they wouldnt be missed or even noticed because of all the other lashes. Not cool and I am not happy with the way I tried to rationalize this- such bullshit I'm trying to pull on myself.
On another blog I read the woman once admitted she slipped and then said she thought about lying about it on her blog. I did the same thing this morning but, like her, I refuse to lie to you or to myself. Once again I wish I could say that this struggle was getting easier, and in ways it is, but in many ways its just as hard as ever. We are like alcoholics or drug addicts- we cant have that first drink or just do "one line of coke" again and then go back to our substance -free existence. The pulling is our drug.
Yes, I'm proud of myself that I stopped after just 2, it shows that I have been working hard because now when I do slip and pull, at least I've been able to stop myself before doing serious damage. That said, I need to refocus and perhaps come up with some new ideas for dealing with urges....... I refuse to give up.
Reason #22- years of pictures that I hate to look at because of missing eyelashes/eyebrows and/or really bad make up when I tried to cover up my trich.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Genetics
I know there are a lot of theories on why some people have trich and why other don't. Over the last few months I've been learning a lot about trich and speaking to friends and family about it for the first time. After learning how many members on my mom's side of the family suffer from trich to at least some degree, I find it hard to believe that there is no connection (at least in some cases).
This weekend my cousin from Florida was in town and at some point I brought up my trich. Once again I was shocked to learn that she never noticed I was missing eyebrows and eyelashes. And once again I was shocked to learn that she also pulls out eyebrow hair. She doesnt pull them all out but she confessed that she never uses tweezers or has to wax her eyebrows b/c she keeps them pretty thin and trim on her own.
So now the family that I know about that suffers from trich consists of:
1. My mom- pulled out her eyelashes for years
2. My aunt "B"(mom's sister)- pulls out her head hair when she is stressed
3. My cousin("B"s daughter)- pulls her eyebrow hairs
4. My great uncle (my moms uncle- her mothers brother)- we arent completely sure what he pulled but we know he at least pulled his head hair.
5. My second (?) cousin (great uncles granddaughter- not sure the exact relation)- pulled out all of her hair for decades.
While this may not seem like a ton of people- I have a pretty small family and these are only the ones I know about. Odd, huh? And so bizarre that most of us never realized others suffered from the same thing. It can't just be a coincidence.
>Reason #21- if trich can be genetic, I need to know how to stop so that I will be able to help my child and so he/she wont spent as much time suffering from this disease as I have.
This weekend my cousin from Florida was in town and at some point I brought up my trich. Once again I was shocked to learn that she never noticed I was missing eyebrows and eyelashes. And once again I was shocked to learn that she also pulls out eyebrow hair. She doesnt pull them all out but she confessed that she never uses tweezers or has to wax her eyebrows b/c she keeps them pretty thin and trim on her own.
So now the family that I know about that suffers from trich consists of:
1. My mom- pulled out her eyelashes for years
2. My aunt "B"(mom's sister)- pulls out her head hair when she is stressed
3. My cousin("B"s daughter)- pulls her eyebrow hairs
4. My great uncle (my moms uncle- her mothers brother)- we arent completely sure what he pulled but we know he at least pulled his head hair.
5. My second (?) cousin (great uncles granddaughter- not sure the exact relation)- pulled out all of her hair for decades.
While this may not seem like a ton of people- I have a pretty small family and these are only the ones I know about. Odd, huh? And so bizarre that most of us never realized others suffered from the same thing. It can't just be a coincidence.
>Reason #21- if trich can be genetic, I need to know how to stop so that I will be able to help my child and so he/she wont spent as much time suffering from this disease as I have.
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