It has been a week and I have not pulled any hairs. My eyebrows are a scattered mess, with stray hairs everywhere, but I am just letting them be. This alone is a pretty amazing feat. Am I actually going to have normal sized eyebrows one day?
And for anyone that may actually read my blog regularly you will recall that months ago I wanted to break up with my tweezers but I could never make the break. On Tuesday night I threw them away. Just like that. Buh-bye you little bastard, while you may be helpful to some you are an awful helpful (but not in a good way) crutch for me. NO MORE! i have one or two stomach hairs part of me would love to tweeze out but screw it. They will just have to be.
No sugar, lots of exercise (maybe almost too much, I was exhausted yessterday to the point where my legs were shaky so taking today off) and otherwise doing well. On Tuesday night the new MP3 the hypnotist sent put me too sleep immediately and I had the best sleep I've had in a while. Even the urges to pull have not nearly been as bad to overcome. I will definitely be listening to my MP3 tape again tonight. Maybe this actually worked?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Hypnosis session #2
Today was appointment #2 and my wallet is $390 (not $350 like I thought) lighter. We started again by just talking. Initially she suggested doing a regression to take me back to the first time I pulled, which I remember, to determine why I was pulling. Honestly, anytime someone tries to explain to me why I pull I get pissed off. I've tried for years to figure it out and honestly I dont think there is just one answer and I dont need someone else telling me what started it or why I do it in a multitude of situations- I just want to start. Needless to say, I said no to this idea. Just not for me.
So we moved on. I ran 7 miles this morning and have had some clients stressing me out so by the time my 4:00 appointment rolled around I was already feeling a little drowsy. She started out the same as before, stating I would go 'deeper' this time. Admittedly, I did feel much different and more intense then last time. Now comes the hard part- waiting to see if it worked.
To clarify on a few things- i was concerned because I still have felt an urge to pull. Apparently this is normal. The urge isnt expected to just disappear, but the will to not pull and to make the choice to not pull and give into the urge is supposed to get much stronger until it eventually becomes an unconscious decision. For example- I may still want to eat the delicious cupcake sitting in front of me but it becomes an easier choice not to eat it because my subconscious thought process wants to lose weight more so I turn the cupcake down. Does that make sense? Apparently from this point forward its just going to be easier for me not to pull. My fingers are still crossed (as are my legs, and arms and everything I can possibly cross). I also have another MP3 to listen to from todays session. We'll see what happens.
So we moved on. I ran 7 miles this morning and have had some clients stressing me out so by the time my 4:00 appointment rolled around I was already feeling a little drowsy. She started out the same as before, stating I would go 'deeper' this time. Admittedly, I did feel much different and more intense then last time. Now comes the hard part- waiting to see if it worked.
To clarify on a few things- i was concerned because I still have felt an urge to pull. Apparently this is normal. The urge isnt expected to just disappear, but the will to not pull and to make the choice to not pull and give into the urge is supposed to get much stronger until it eventually becomes an unconscious decision. For example- I may still want to eat the delicious cupcake sitting in front of me but it becomes an easier choice not to eat it because my subconscious thought process wants to lose weight more so I turn the cupcake down. Does that make sense? Apparently from this point forward its just going to be easier for me not to pull. My fingers are still crossed (as are my legs, and arms and everything I can possibly cross). I also have another MP3 to listen to from todays session. We'll see what happens.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday morning anxiety
This morning I looked in the mirror and am focused on the bald spot on my eyelid. It's a spot I pulled from in two weeks before the hypnosis (even the day before) but no hair has come in yet. Why I'm suddenly freaking out about this I have no idea, it's not like my hair has stopped coming in in any other spot I've pulled from. Oh well. On a positive note, I do have lots of stray hairs coming in on both of my eyebrows and I have not pulled them :)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Update on hypnosis results
It's Sunday night and figured I'd give a quick update. It's been 3 full days since I underwent my first round of hypnosis. I listened to the MP3 the hypnotist made again on Friday night but not last night as my boyfriend was over. It's weird b/c I'm a little more conscious of what is being said on the MP3 then when I was in her office, in part I think because of the distractions outside (NYC streets are NEVER quiet). I do find the recording very relaxing.
In 3 days I have had absolutely no desire for sweets and was actually turned off by these 100 calorie coffee cakes I usually love. My boyfriend, Pete, looked at me like I was nuts when I turned his offer to share a pack down. "I think it worked" was his response. I didnt go to the gym yesterday or today b/c my back has been a bit sore but I've definitely wanted to and look forward to going tomorrow.
Now onto trich. I'm still so worried it didnt work but there is evidence to the contrary. Pete has an insanely long eyebrow hair that I commented on and he said I could pull- I turned him down although part of me really wants to pull it, another part of me doesnt. I am still not pulling my eyelashes or eyebrows but the urges have not gone completely away. I also have a freakishly curled eyebrow hair but I havent pulled it and when I reach my hand up to feel the hair I still immediately pull my hair down and find myself repeating the mantra the hypnotist had said during the session "I have all my hair, I want to keep all my hair". Now I will admit that I had two hairs on my stomach I did pull. Is that the same thing? I think so which is why I'm worried it's just a matter of time before I pull something else.
Tuesday's appointment at 4pm is still on and I plan to give it one more shot. I want this to work so bad, maybe that will help the process :)
In 3 days I have had absolutely no desire for sweets and was actually turned off by these 100 calorie coffee cakes I usually love. My boyfriend, Pete, looked at me like I was nuts when I turned his offer to share a pack down. "I think it worked" was his response. I didnt go to the gym yesterday or today b/c my back has been a bit sore but I've definitely wanted to and look forward to going tomorrow.
Now onto trich. I'm still so worried it didnt work but there is evidence to the contrary. Pete has an insanely long eyebrow hair that I commented on and he said I could pull- I turned him down although part of me really wants to pull it, another part of me doesnt. I am still not pulling my eyelashes or eyebrows but the urges have not gone completely away. I also have a freakishly curled eyebrow hair but I havent pulled it and when I reach my hand up to feel the hair I still immediately pull my hair down and find myself repeating the mantra the hypnotist had said during the session "I have all my hair, I want to keep all my hair". Now I will admit that I had two hairs on my stomach I did pull. Is that the same thing? I think so which is why I'm worried it's just a matter of time before I pull something else.
Tuesday's appointment at 4pm is still on and I plan to give it one more shot. I want this to work so bad, maybe that will help the process :)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Hypnosis- The Results?
I did it. I shelled out $440 on hypnosis, I did get a little sleepy and now I'm waiting to see if it worked. Here's how it went:
I showed up for my 1:00 appointment and we just talked a bit about trich and other changes I wanted to make such as loving exercise and not craving sweets so much. It's difficult to relay everythign she said but it was basically about how you need to reprogram the way you think, that every urge can only last for a total of 60 seconds (apparently proven by psychiatrists for years) and how you cant have two opposite urges- I cant want to pull and not want to pull.
Nancy (the hynotist) also believes that we are more influened by positive thoughts than negative and we can retrain our minds to make positive choices- that by envisioning ourselves a certain way eventually we retrain how our mind works and choose the better alternative. One example she used was driving abroad- we are so used to driving on one side of the road yet, according to her, when people go to Europe and have to drive on the other side, they just do it. There is very little time to train themselves because its something you HAVE to do and apparently there have been studies to show there are no greater amount of accidents as a result of people used to driving on one side then suddenly driving on the other. We are forced to make that choice so we do it.
Another example was potty training. As infants we are used to "relieving" ourselves in a diaper but we can be trained to go into a bathroom and use a toilet and never use a diaper again. Same thing with drinking from a bottle. I'm not sure I'm conveying all this properly but its really about positive training. If we retrain ourselves to think "i have all my hair and i want to keep all my hair" eventually that becomes the automatic choice and it is helped by planting the seed into our subconscious but we have to convince ourselves we want it and its possible.
So onto the hypnosis. It was done in her office while sitting in a chair- you pretty much start out by staring at the ceiling while she talks and then focusing on your breathing. Eventually you go into what she calls a "trance" state. Apparently it is normal to still have other thoughts during this time and I will admit I had the popular Cee Low (spelling?) song "Fuck You" in my head because I heard it in the cab on the way over. Then I was worried that would screw it up but I did get pretty drowsy and otherwise focused on what she was saying. i was also picturing myself with full, beautiful eyelashes for most of it. It felt like it was about 7-10 minutes and I guess it was actually 18 or so.
That was it really. During the process she would repeat the mantra "I have all my hair" and occasionally throw in "i want to keep my hair" and "i love to exercise because it makes me feel so good" and "i stay away from sugar because I like to feel good and be thin". Part of me felt like the "i have all my hair mantra" wasnt the best- I would rather have had more emphasis on "i want to keep all my hair" but I'll mention that next time.
So yes, there is a next time. She often recommends it and considering we are dealing with a 22 year "habit" I felt a reinforcement session was worth it- might as well try and make that money work- the second session is $350 i think. All in all it was kind of what I expected, kind of not. She said I was in a very deep trance which she could tell from my breathing but I dont know- maybe the person 'in the trance' doesnt know. I walked away a little bit unsure but hopeful and with a recording of the entire session that I listened to, as recommended, just before I went to bed last night.
Now the results. I'm so worried that it didnt work- I keep also wanting to test it out but then of course I dont want to. I will say that I was happy to go to the gym today and worked out quite a bit longer than usual but I could also attribute that to losing 1.5 pounds over the last 2 days and having an awful, stressful morning with jerky and obnoxious clients. I also went out to eat last night to a comfort food place and was repulsed by the greasy grilled cheese sandwich- was it because I now like to be healthy or was it actually gross? Normally i love greasy and cheesy. And I have had no desire for anything sweet in the lat 24 hours which is crazy but could that be from just working out all week and loving the weight i've been losing? (and you know how sometimes when you leave the gym you just want health food?) Yeah, I dont know. Maybe I'm looking for excuses or affirmation it worked, who knows- I'm on the fence.
As for trich- I have several times reached my hand up to "smooth" and feel my eyebrows and eyelashes but even when I get my hand close, I immediately put my hand back down. I've been thinking about it constantly but am I just extra motivated right now NOT to pull or did the hypnosis really work? I would LOVE to know but I guess only time will tell............
PS- If it does work then I'm happy to say for anyone interested- apparently she does a lot of work with people over the phone so just because you dont live in/around NYC doesnt meant you can have the benefit of her services. I'll keep you posted :)
I showed up for my 1:00 appointment and we just talked a bit about trich and other changes I wanted to make such as loving exercise and not craving sweets so much. It's difficult to relay everythign she said but it was basically about how you need to reprogram the way you think, that every urge can only last for a total of 60 seconds (apparently proven by psychiatrists for years) and how you cant have two opposite urges- I cant want to pull and not want to pull.
Nancy (the hynotist) also believes that we are more influened by positive thoughts than negative and we can retrain our minds to make positive choices- that by envisioning ourselves a certain way eventually we retrain how our mind works and choose the better alternative. One example she used was driving abroad- we are so used to driving on one side of the road yet, according to her, when people go to Europe and have to drive on the other side, they just do it. There is very little time to train themselves because its something you HAVE to do and apparently there have been studies to show there are no greater amount of accidents as a result of people used to driving on one side then suddenly driving on the other. We are forced to make that choice so we do it.
Another example was potty training. As infants we are used to "relieving" ourselves in a diaper but we can be trained to go into a bathroom and use a toilet and never use a diaper again. Same thing with drinking from a bottle. I'm not sure I'm conveying all this properly but its really about positive training. If we retrain ourselves to think "i have all my hair and i want to keep all my hair" eventually that becomes the automatic choice and it is helped by planting the seed into our subconscious but we have to convince ourselves we want it and its possible.
So onto the hypnosis. It was done in her office while sitting in a chair- you pretty much start out by staring at the ceiling while she talks and then focusing on your breathing. Eventually you go into what she calls a "trance" state. Apparently it is normal to still have other thoughts during this time and I will admit I had the popular Cee Low (spelling?) song "Fuck You" in my head because I heard it in the cab on the way over. Then I was worried that would screw it up but I did get pretty drowsy and otherwise focused on what she was saying. i was also picturing myself with full, beautiful eyelashes for most of it. It felt like it was about 7-10 minutes and I guess it was actually 18 or so.
That was it really. During the process she would repeat the mantra "I have all my hair" and occasionally throw in "i want to keep my hair" and "i love to exercise because it makes me feel so good" and "i stay away from sugar because I like to feel good and be thin". Part of me felt like the "i have all my hair mantra" wasnt the best- I would rather have had more emphasis on "i want to keep all my hair" but I'll mention that next time.
So yes, there is a next time. She often recommends it and considering we are dealing with a 22 year "habit" I felt a reinforcement session was worth it- might as well try and make that money work- the second session is $350 i think. All in all it was kind of what I expected, kind of not. She said I was in a very deep trance which she could tell from my breathing but I dont know- maybe the person 'in the trance' doesnt know. I walked away a little bit unsure but hopeful and with a recording of the entire session that I listened to, as recommended, just before I went to bed last night.
Now the results. I'm so worried that it didnt work- I keep also wanting to test it out but then of course I dont want to. I will say that I was happy to go to the gym today and worked out quite a bit longer than usual but I could also attribute that to losing 1.5 pounds over the last 2 days and having an awful, stressful morning with jerky and obnoxious clients. I also went out to eat last night to a comfort food place and was repulsed by the greasy grilled cheese sandwich- was it because I now like to be healthy or was it actually gross? Normally i love greasy and cheesy. And I have had no desire for anything sweet in the lat 24 hours which is crazy but could that be from just working out all week and loving the weight i've been losing? (and you know how sometimes when you leave the gym you just want health food?) Yeah, I dont know. Maybe I'm looking for excuses or affirmation it worked, who knows- I'm on the fence.
As for trich- I have several times reached my hand up to "smooth" and feel my eyebrows and eyelashes but even when I get my hand close, I immediately put my hand back down. I've been thinking about it constantly but am I just extra motivated right now NOT to pull or did the hypnosis really work? I would LOVE to know but I guess only time will tell............
PS- If it does work then I'm happy to say for anyone interested- apparently she does a lot of work with people over the phone so just because you dont live in/around NYC doesnt meant you can have the benefit of her services. I'll keep you posted :)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Cautiously Optimistic
I've going back and forth between being very hopeful that today could be my last day pulling and being afraid that I'll be let down and the hypnosis won't work. Can you imagine a life with no urges? It sounds too good to be true.
Just as a marker I am posting a photo (please ignore how ridiculously huge my forehead looks in it and the dark circles under my eyes) just to mark what I hope will be the end of the "bad times" and the start of progress once again. It's a bit hard to take a photo of just your eyes without looking crazy. Also, I do have on some make up since I need to head back out soon.
So we shall see. I guess the best way to put it is that I'm cautiously optimistic- I'm not a big believer in prayer but I'll definitely be saying one tonight.
Just as a marker I am posting a photo (please ignore how ridiculously huge my forehead looks in it and the dark circles under my eyes) just to mark what I hope will be the end of the "bad times" and the start of progress once again. It's a bit hard to take a photo of just your eyes without looking crazy. Also, I do have on some make up since I need to head back out soon.
So we shall see. I guess the best way to put it is that I'm cautiously optimistic- I'm not a big believer in prayer but I'll definitely be saying one tonight.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Glass Half Full
After a lot of thought and online research, I'm going to give the hynosis a shot. The woman I am seeing has rave reviews online and Christina from the TLC site said that she does know about 60 people who had success with hypnosis (granted that was out of thousands she has met with who have trich although she didnt know how many had unsucessfully tried this method).
The decision was actually the result of a call from my mom, who at first was very skeptical of the idea. I told her I was mostly just worried about spending $500 and then it not working. She asked me "how much would you spend for a cure?" The answer: Thousands. I would give away every penny I had in savings, granted its not much, if it meant not having urges to pull ever again. My mother made me see that I was so worried about spending the money if it didnt work, but if it did work then it would be the best $500 I've ever spent. Thanks mom.
My boyfriend and my sister are also on board and basically said the same thing as my mom so this Thursday at 1pm I'm going to give it a try. Christina (the TLC support group moderator) said that I have to understand that even if it works it does not mean I no longer have trich, it just means I've had help controlling the urges but still need to be on guard and may even need a "refresher" hynosis in a few years.
Another plus is that I've also asked the hynotist to convince me that I love to exercise and hate eating sweet foods. She said she would. Why not make the most of that $500? I've already lost 5 pounds this week just by cutting out bad foods and exercising for an hour 5 times a week but I'll take all the help I can get :)
The decision was actually the result of a call from my mom, who at first was very skeptical of the idea. I told her I was mostly just worried about spending $500 and then it not working. She asked me "how much would you spend for a cure?" The answer: Thousands. I would give away every penny I had in savings, granted its not much, if it meant not having urges to pull ever again. My mother made me see that I was so worried about spending the money if it didnt work, but if it did work then it would be the best $500 I've ever spent. Thanks mom.
My boyfriend and my sister are also on board and basically said the same thing as my mom so this Thursday at 1pm I'm going to give it a try. Christina (the TLC support group moderator) said that I have to understand that even if it works it does not mean I no longer have trich, it just means I've had help controlling the urges but still need to be on guard and may even need a "refresher" hynosis in a few years.
Another plus is that I've also asked the hynotist to convince me that I love to exercise and hate eating sweet foods. She said she would. Why not make the most of that $500? I've already lost 5 pounds this week just by cutting out bad foods and exercising for an hour 5 times a week but I'll take all the help I can get :)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
You are getting very sleepy
I'm sorry for once again disappearing from the world of blogging. It's been a tough few months for me and I've been doing a lot of self inflection. Somehow I've managed to achieve complete happiness with my professional life but my personal life, or at least personal issues, are struggling. If only i could figure out how to achieve success and happiness in both at the same time.
My new firm is going great and it has been a lot of work but I love every moment. My family is doing well and my relationship is still going strong, in fact, we just booked a trip to Italy and will be going in May. I think that is actually my motivation for trying to move forward with the pieces I've let drop.
Trich and I are battling each other once again. I have not fully reverted back to my old pulling ways (where I would be completely hairless) but I'm not doing as well as I was a few months ago and I'm by no means pull free. The eyebrows are still the worst and the eyelashes are thin and, at least in my mind, need make up to compensate for what is lacking.
For the last 2 months I've been in a lot of pain due to a back injury. They recently (and finally) discovered 2 herniated disks in my upper back after insisting for years (and countless lower back MRI's) that it was nothing and giving me medication. After my trip in January, when it became difficult to even walk, I finally started demanding answers. Fast forward to now and I am JUST getting back to the gym and my active lifestyle back. So now I'm 15 pounds heavier than I'd like (it's not an issue of being heavy as much as I just dont FEEL good in my own skin which I think is more important than the number).
So now I'm back to trying to tackle both. It's so frustrating to constantly have this cycle but I guess it is what it is and it could always be worse. Over the last few weeks I've spoken with different people about "bad habits" (although I will say I do not think trich is a habit) and at some point it was suggested to me that I try hypnosis. I will admit that I am skeptical and the money is definitely the biggest issue. I spoke to one woman today, Nancy Donenfeld, who says she has worked with about 50 trich patients in close to 30 years and that at least 40 of them had great success. The cost is $440 for the first session, $390 for the second, then $290 for the third, and $190 for any after that. She said that often it will work in the first or second session (and the person who referred her to me said it worked after one session).
As of now I have a tentative appointment for next Thursday. I will give the woman credit that she is certainly persuasive in getting you to set up an appointment! I've thought about it off and on and I think really if it was maybe $200 I'd do it in a heartbeat. I feel like I'm now at a crossroads- spending $1000 to possibly have freedom from trich? Seems like it could be worth it but I also think part of me is so afraid that this is my last resort and if this fails, what if I cant beat it on my own? Wow, writing does help. I think I just realized my biggest issue with it. Hmm..... well, i'm going to go sleep on that but if you have suggestions or comments I'd love to hear them.
Once again, I'm sorry for not writing for so long and hope that you have had better luck with trich these last few months than I have!
My new firm is going great and it has been a lot of work but I love every moment. My family is doing well and my relationship is still going strong, in fact, we just booked a trip to Italy and will be going in May. I think that is actually my motivation for trying to move forward with the pieces I've let drop.
Trich and I are battling each other once again. I have not fully reverted back to my old pulling ways (where I would be completely hairless) but I'm not doing as well as I was a few months ago and I'm by no means pull free. The eyebrows are still the worst and the eyelashes are thin and, at least in my mind, need make up to compensate for what is lacking.
For the last 2 months I've been in a lot of pain due to a back injury. They recently (and finally) discovered 2 herniated disks in my upper back after insisting for years (and countless lower back MRI's) that it was nothing and giving me medication. After my trip in January, when it became difficult to even walk, I finally started demanding answers. Fast forward to now and I am JUST getting back to the gym and my active lifestyle back. So now I'm 15 pounds heavier than I'd like (it's not an issue of being heavy as much as I just dont FEEL good in my own skin which I think is more important than the number).
So now I'm back to trying to tackle both. It's so frustrating to constantly have this cycle but I guess it is what it is and it could always be worse. Over the last few weeks I've spoken with different people about "bad habits" (although I will say I do not think trich is a habit) and at some point it was suggested to me that I try hypnosis. I will admit that I am skeptical and the money is definitely the biggest issue. I spoke to one woman today, Nancy Donenfeld, who says she has worked with about 50 trich patients in close to 30 years and that at least 40 of them had great success. The cost is $440 for the first session, $390 for the second, then $290 for the third, and $190 for any after that. She said that often it will work in the first or second session (and the person who referred her to me said it worked after one session).
As of now I have a tentative appointment for next Thursday. I will give the woman credit that she is certainly persuasive in getting you to set up an appointment! I've thought about it off and on and I think really if it was maybe $200 I'd do it in a heartbeat. I feel like I'm now at a crossroads- spending $1000 to possibly have freedom from trich? Seems like it could be worth it but I also think part of me is so afraid that this is my last resort and if this fails, what if I cant beat it on my own? Wow, writing does help. I think I just realized my biggest issue with it. Hmm..... well, i'm going to go sleep on that but if you have suggestions or comments I'd love to hear them.
Once again, I'm sorry for not writing for so long and hope that you have had better luck with trich these last few months than I have!
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