Heading back uphill

Things are looking up (FINALLY!) so I wanted to post this little motivational quote I came across last night. This week has definitely been more successful than last week and I think it's a result of being more conscious of what I'm doing. Being busy also helps since I dont pull as often when I'm busy and not working from home on the computer.

Now it gets tricky. Once again, as the hairs start to grow the urge to pull those stubby little hairs gets worse so I have to come up with a way to stay strong and not pull. I'm guessing I need to make it about 2 more weeks until they are past that 'short and prickly" phase. So that's my goal although really my goal continues just to be another 24 hours. At this point 2 weeks is just too long and lofty a goal so my 24 goal keeps things more manageable and hopefully more realistic. Fingers crossed!

Big Sunglasses

The battle continues. I have just finished pulling out a half of my left eye's upper eyelashes. Wtf?? Half remain- the half closest to my ear but the other half is all but gone. I dont know what is going on.
Yes, I'm feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed lately but nothing so horrible and unusual that I shouldnt be able to cope.

The challenge is also not working for me. Today I was so glad that big sunglasses are so in because I was meeting a friend at Yankee Stadium and its very bright outside so my lack of eyebrows is clear for the world to see. I'm sure people can still tell but I pretend that the big sunglasses hide, or at least distract, from my insecurities.

I'm officially getting married in October (he proposed last week!) after talking about it for the last few months and my clients trial is set for next month so I have no choice but to get this under control. This HAS to stop. I'm so angry with myself right now. Maybe it isnt so much anger as disappointment. I also have my period and I tend to do worse when I'm hormonal but that's no excuse.

Just last night I was thinking how I needed to blog about how I was doing well. Now, admittedly, I was only doing well because my thumb nail on the right hand tore off and is not super short making pulling harder and i cut (yes cut) the skin off my left forefinger (where the indentation from years of pulling was) making pulling actually painful.
So, as a result, I havent been pulling much. But then today it was clearly better. Is this what it has come to? Should I start biting my nails down to stubs and cutting off my skin just so I can keep myself from pulling. There has to be a better way.

I have so much to be thankful for in my life right now and this is the one thing that brings me down. I want my life back. I'm staring at the little pile of eyelashes that I pulled and know that this has to end. No more waiting until Monday to get a "fresh start". I need this to end today. Now. Forever.

Live every week likes it's shark week

Well it's been a little more than two weeks. I was doing really well the first week and then this week just sucked. I'm basically starting over (yet again). This time I truly just feel lazy- there have been so many times that I know I could have prevented and I just left myself keep pulling and the destructive behavior and attitude won again. I have been overwhelmed by your comments and wish I could report to you that I'm doing great. But I can't. I have no good excuses, no traumatic events or crazy stressful events that i can point too. I even was aware that I was pulling but I just didn't try that hard to stop. I'm sorry, really I am and I hope that you are doing better. So now it is May 4th and I'm once again eyebrowless. Fortunately most of my eyelashes have remained in tact although the left eye isn't as full as the right eye. My boyfriend and I are still talking about getting married within the next few months (we decided not to get engaged until we could get married right away since we both want to elope) but I know I'll still want pictures and just can't fathom the idea of having a photographer take close up photos when I have penciled in eyebrows. As Liz Lemon says on 30 rock when she is frustrated "blurgh" (i'm on a 30 rock kick this week- it also explains the title of this post). Doesn't it always feel like trich takes away the moments that are supposed to be so happy by stirring up anxiety and self consciousness? That is almost worse than actually not having hair. Double blurg. I'm not giving up. Not ever. I may have to start over a million times but I wont give up. So for those of you that are following this blog and doing great- keep it up and please share your tips! And for those (like me) that are picking up and starting again, dont give up. Never give up. Let's start again right now and just try to make it through the weekend without pulling. Good luck and, as always, thank you thank you thank you for reading and supporting me and each other!