Recognizing triggers, but what to do about them?

I'm trying to get back on track which partly involves trying to figure out why I'm suddenly having such a hard time with trich again. Stress is definitely a factor. A few months ago I decided to start the process of leaving my job to go out on my own- that is a HUGE source of stress right now. I know it's the right decision and I'm trying to get everything lined up so that I generate an income as soon as possible, but it still scares the hell out of me. Giving up a paycheck in this economy? Very scary. Although I still have my job and am income, money is tight and I'm worried. Ultimately I'm hoping this decision will, in the long term, lead to a much larger income but in the interim, who knows. Sometimes I wake up at night and just worry. I'm sure that doesnt help. I have decided to pair up with a college friend so I know she is feeling the same way and I'm excited about the possibility, I just wish the stress didnt manifest itself in the form of pulling.

Also something that has bothered me lately is a new "relationship" i'm in. I have always had commitment issues and now is no exception. The new guy and I met in court (he was not a defendant fortunately) and things are going really well. He treats me so great and there are no games, so why do I freak out? This is going to make me sound like a jerk but part of my worry is his lack of job motivation- he comes from a VERY difficult background and has a great, steady job. But his job doesn't require any intellectual stimulation and he seems content to just stay where he is. It's not that I wish he had gone to college, I really respect how hard he has worked to get where he is, but I worry what we will have to talk about over the long haul. He doesn't like politics or current events (which I do) and he doesnt seem to have the motivation to succeed or advance his career like I do. Is this stupid? Am I being ridiculous? Shouldn't it be enough that we have fun together and he treats me well? Ugh. Maybe for type A people like myself we need someone that is more relaxed. I just hate the idea of hurting him when I know he really likes me and has been screwed over by life so much in the past. It's only been about 2 months so why am I even worried about this now?

Then last night I was introduced to my friend's (soon to be business partner) friend, a guy who on the surface is totally my type. He asked for my number at the end of the night, which I gave him, but then the guilt comes back. I never told the old guy we were "exclusive" but I'm pretty sure he thinks we are (despite saying lets just "see where this goes"). I shouldn't even worry since the guy from last night hasn't even asked me out but I do.

Is unnecessary stress a common thread for people with trich? Do we all worry about things we can't control and let it impact our battles with trich? I'm sorry that this post has been a bit rambling but obviously my personal life has a big impact on my trich so I guess I just need to get it out sometimes.

Clueless

I know it's been a while once again since I've posted on here and in part that is because I'm not really sure what to say.

It's been a tough month (or two) and honestly I am not doing great with trich these days. I think that is one of the most frustrating parts of this disease- just when you think you have finally figured it out and gotten a handle on it, it kicks your ass.

My eyebrows and eyelashes have once again gotten thinner and I'm back to being pretty self conscious about it, the difference now is that most of my friends already know so I'm not feeling quite as embarrassed and ashamed, nor am I investing as much time in covering it up.That said, I'm hating that it is summer and when I should be enjoying all the hard work of the last few months and swimming and being in the sun with no worries about my missing hair, I'm once against focused on it and inevitably my self esteem is taking a bit of a hit. It's such a vicious cycle.

Maybe it's because I'm not spending so much time on trich these days that I'm having such a tough time? Admittedly, I'm not posting or reviewing other sites like I used to. Now that most of my friends and family know (and not surprisingly few of them ever ask me about it- probably because they know its a sensitive issue) it's just not at the forefront of my mind like it was a few months ago. I don't know what to do, I know I have to keep fighting it, sometimes it's just so hard and frustrating.

Back on track, finally

As expected the last few days off have been incredibly helpful in getting me back on track with fighting my trich and I've been pull free for several days. Time at the beach has also been a great reminder as to why I cant stand not having eyebrows and eyelashes- the effort it takes to constantly make sure "everything" is perfectly covered up is exhausting.

Even though the bald spots are very small I'm still overly self conscious about it and have to make sure to carry my eyeliner and mascara everywhere. When I went swimming yesterday my first thought upon getting out of the water was how fast i could get to the bathroom and secretly check to make sure my make up was in tact. I hated every second that my focus went to trich. I missed the feeling of not having to worry about it now that I know how that feels. I miss the few months where I didnt have to worry about my eye make up smudging or my eyebrows being too short and incredibly thin. I want that back.

I'm also frustrated with how long it is taking everything to grow back. The worst is my left eyebrow which is too short after my last few weeks of pulling and filling it in with eyeliner and shadow is no longer cutting it, especially in the bright sun (and the fact it has been over a hundred degrees the last few days, causing me to sweat like crazy and then worry about the sweat impacting my make up also sucks). I just want my hair back and although I know I'm paying the price for my slips and its been a good reminder as to why I need to be more vigilant in my battle, its still frustrating.

At least my determination is back and I'm finally, finally refocused and ready to beat this stupid, awful disease.