A time to heal

Well last night I caved and bought a new pair of tweezers. Its pathetic that I could barely make it 72 hours without picking up those little silver pulling aids but its the truth. On a positive note, I stuck to my new routine, went into the bathroom as soon as I got home, pulled only the ones I allow myself to pull (a weekly trim of the eyebrows and the random body hairs) and then put the tweezers away and never returned. Unlike the previous two nights, my stress level was greatly reduced and I wasnt constantly stroking my eyebrows, nor obsessing over any other hairs. Sadly I think buying the tweezers kept me from slipping and doing real damage.

Last night I also couldnt help but think that it has been two months and its still a pretty tough struggle. Part of me anticipated that 21 years wouldnt be corrected in just a couple months but I did hope it would get easier. While there are many situations that I've learned to deal with differently, it's still requiring constant focus and drive to keep up the progress. I'm still committed, I just am ready for it to get a little easier. To help keep myself focused, I'm going to use today to reflect on the last two months and put my list of reasons to stop together in this post so I have something to go back on and remind myself of all the reasons to stop (and I'd encourage anyone reading to comment and add to this list - I will repost again soon with even more reasons!).

Reason #1 to stop -the feeling that you have to run to the bathroom when hooking up with a guy to make sure the eyeliner is still in place so he doesnt easily see what is missing.

Reasons #2 to stop- Rain (and swimming, and anything that has to do with water since you never know how it will leave your make up and that feeling in the bottom of your stomach when you are out, you cant fix your make up, and you wonder how bad it is).

Reason #3: Pictures/closeups which seem to make the lack of eyelashes that much more apparent.

Reason #4: Camping/outdoor excursions- (I LOVE the outdoors but always hold back on going on trips where I know I will be around others but will have to come up with an excuse as to why i'm fixing my make up on a nature hike!)

Reason #5- crowded situations where you are forced to talk to people very close up and become extremely self conscious.

Reason # 6- feeling powerless that something has so much control over who I am, what I do, and how I live my life.

Reason #6- networking function requiring close talking

Reason # 7- the wrinkles that are appearing on my forehead (i'm 29!) because I always raise my eyebrows when stroking my eyelashes and feeling for what I will be trying to pick/not pick next- over the years I think I've spent so much time lifting my eyebrows to pluck my eyebrows that I'm getting premature awful wrinkles (which I just noticed a couple weeks ago too!).

Reason #8- the fear of bright spots/locations.

Reason #9 to stop- the anxiety of realizing I’m somewhere without my eyeliner.

Reason #10- being filmed where I cant control the views and close ups that are taken.

Reason #11- the dark circles that will often appear around my eyes as a result of wearing eyeliner (which smudges) with no eyelashes.

Reason #12- the need to always wear make up to hide the signs of trich

Reason #13- always feeling self conscious that people are aware of your 'secret'

Reason #14 -the unnecessary anxiety that is created when I feel a hair that is "out of place" and cant stop obsessing about it. Who needs extra anxiety in their life?

Reason #15- the scars that have developed on my body that will forever be a constant reminder of my trich and the embarrassment over having to try and explain where they came from.

Reason #16- all the bullshit stories I’ve told to “explain” why I have no eyebrows or eyelashes and the crappy way lying makes me feel.

Reason #17- the time/energy wasted on trying to cover up my trich.