Staring contests (and dropping the ball with month 2's goals)

Month 2 has not been as successful as month 1- I have barely even tried to follow through on my goals, in part b/c I've been busy with other things and in part b/c when I'm not busy with other things I've been lazy.

On a positive note, I am still not pulling my eyebrows or eyelashes. I'm thinking that my eyelashes, after 2 months of no pulling, are pretty much as good as they are going to get. They look good, dont get me wrong, but I wish they were thicker- when I was a kid I had really dark, thick eyelashes. I guess 22 years of pulling them out can have that result. With a little mascara, and sometimes a little eyeliner, they generally look good but I'm pretty obsessive in the "do they still look thin/can people tell" way. This weekend was actually the first time I had any urge to pull either but just walking away from the mirror and distracting myself for 15 mins with cleaning my apartment helped me get through it. Phew.

While I'm not so interested in my own hair these days, I'm totally obsessed with the new boyfriends (yes, I chose boy 1 officially). He has a super white chest hair (the one I previously named) that I swear glows in the dark and I just want to yank out. He also has an eyelash on his left eyelid that is quite a bit longer than the rest and curls down while the others curl up. Boy do I want to just yank that hair out. Sometimes I just stare at it. We have starting contests sometimes as a joke and he thinks its funny that I'll mostly stare at his left eye but he doesnt yet know about trich and know that I cant stop thinking about, and wanting to pull, that stupid eyelash. Ha.

Oh yeah, and I can actually have staring contests now. Haha. I'm not totally paranoid about someone looking me in the eyes and noticing my missing hair. It also gives me extra motivation not to pull since he likes to look me in the eyes (it can be pretty intense and quite a bit sexy/sexual) and it would be weird to just freak out about it one day. I'll take whatever motivation I can get for the next 1 year and 10 months (or the time it takes for me to really kick this horrible disease).

Reason to stop #31- staring contests

Not just my hair

Do you ever become fixated on other peoples lashes or eyebrows? The hairs that they have that seem "out of place" or "different"? Ever want to pull their hairs badly too?

For years I have not just been obsessed with my own out of place or different hairs but those of other people. For example, I remember a friend of mine had a white eyelash on her left eye about a year ago and whenever I saw her, I would just stare at the hair, thinking of how much I would need to pull it out if I was her. Each time we got together I would look for the hair to see if she still had it.

The guy I've been dating has a few of these hairs also. He has one super long eyelash, one "out of place" and super light eyebrow hairs, and three white chest hairs (that I have now named- I know that might sound crazy- I even told him I named them (he doesnt know about my trich yet)). Anyway, we spent a lot of time together this weekend and it got me thinking about how much time I spend noticing other people's hair.

I'll also admit, as ashamed as I am to say this, that I once became so focused on a half black-half white whisker that my cat had that I pulled it out. I felt so awful afterward and didn't do it again but at that point, which was a few years ago, I knew I had to really start owning up to the control this disease had on me. I've since read that while not completely common, this can happen with people suffering from trich (not that it makes me feel better about it). I've actually never told anyone about that until now. Once again, have to love the guilt and shame that trich brings to our life (insert sarcasm).

I'm extremely aware of people on the subway with bushy eyebrows, penciled in eyebrows, lots of mascara, random hairs, you name it, I focus on it. It would be easy to say that this is a new obsession that had started since I really became focused on my own struggle with trich but this is the way it's been for years.

Anyway, that's my "issue of the day" I suppose. Tomorrow is my official "three week mark" and I plan on celebrating with a guilt-free vanilla with chocolate icing cupcake from my favorite cupcake shop in NYC (if you are ever in NYC you have to try one- it's MUCH better than Magnolia or Crumbs and I consider myself an unofficial cupcake testing expert)