Finding the balance

Now that I've pretty much stopped pulling my eyelashes (i wont say completely stopped b/c I'm sticking to the old docs "you have beaten it until 2 years" statement), I'm trying to find a balance with my eyebrows which are a little trickier. When it comes to eyelashes, pulling or plucking at all just cant happen or its clearly noticeable. The eyebrows are obviously more of a gray area.

For me, I always overdo it when I tweeze or "groom" my eyebrows. Its compulsive but a vicious cycle. I know they are too thin, I get that. After having my make up done a few weeks ago I realize how much better it would look to have thicker eyebrows- the question is whether I can get to that point. Once the hairs start coming in, and it looks "scraggly" (is that even a word) I become obsessed. I cant have tiny little hairs all over the place even if in a few weeks it would mean thicker, nicer eyebrows. Maybe it would be different if they could instantly fill in, then I wouuld live with it, but its the interim eyebrows that ruin it for me.

I know I should just stop pulling altogether but I know that just isn't likely to happen for me. I cant have the scraggly look or I know I will start pulling and once that happens, I will overdo it and be left with half a thin eyebrow. In the past it has not uncommon for me to have about 1/2" inch of eyebrow- straight and thin- clearly over-plucked to the trillionth degree. I don't even know if you can call that an eyebrow. Its more like above-the-eye-hairs all in a row.

Its been suggested to have them waxed but I'm still in that phase where there just wouldn't be enough to wax and I think most women who do wax other areas would agree you have to be able to live with scraggle for a little while before you can have someone do it. I just cant get to the point where it grows out enough to do that. Again, the vicious cycle continues. I think this "overgrooming" is pretty common. Also, I've never really had to wax any area since I've never been able to stand much hair anywhere on my body.

Any tips on how to find this balance? I'm just hoping it will come to me, that there will be some big change or that I can not pull or "groom" long enough to get them in and then have it either professionally done or at least be grooming a generally larger eyebrow. We'll see what happens. I guess this is my next big test but fortunately I am still going very strong with my eyelashes which is a big relief (and that gives me hope I can tackle anything!)

Dear tweezers, I think we need to break up

Dear tweezers:

For a long time now I have depended on you. You have been there when I've been anxious and you have helped me indulge in my hair addiction for as long as I can remember. When you are not around I begin to panic. I rely on you. You help me get out those tiny little hairs, no matter where they are, that I cant get out on my own. You are almost like an extension of my hand at this point- like Edward Scissorhands or something but in tweezer form.

As much as you have been there for me over the years I think we need to break up. This has become an extremely unhealthy relationship. You make it too easy for me to continue my obsession with miscellaneous hairs. After we spend time together I usually feel terrible and yet I keep coming back again and again. I know I need to stop seeing you and yet it causes me anxiety to think of all the places that little hairs will appear that I will not be able to control- like the ones on my chest and near my belly button- I despise having those hairs and you have helped me with them time and time again.

If I am ever going to win my battle with trich and lead a healthy and happy life then I need to let you go. It's not you, it's me. I dont know how to keep you around without it ultimately hurting me. So today I'm going to summon the strength to say goodbye. I already feel the panic rising in me but I know it's for the best. Like every relationship that ends, I know it is going to be hard for a long time but I'm hoping that a better, positive relationship will come along. We've had a good run but it's just time to let go.

Your now-ex,
Kim