Finding the balance

Now that I've pretty much stopped pulling my eyelashes (i wont say completely stopped b/c I'm sticking to the old docs "you have beaten it until 2 years" statement), I'm trying to find a balance with my eyebrows which are a little trickier. When it comes to eyelashes, pulling or plucking at all just cant happen or its clearly noticeable. The eyebrows are obviously more of a gray area.

For me, I always overdo it when I tweeze or "groom" my eyebrows. Its compulsive but a vicious cycle. I know they are too thin, I get that. After having my make up done a few weeks ago I realize how much better it would look to have thicker eyebrows- the question is whether I can get to that point. Once the hairs start coming in, and it looks "scraggly" (is that even a word) I become obsessed. I cant have tiny little hairs all over the place even if in a few weeks it would mean thicker, nicer eyebrows. Maybe it would be different if they could instantly fill in, then I wouuld live with it, but its the interim eyebrows that ruin it for me.

I know I should just stop pulling altogether but I know that just isn't likely to happen for me. I cant have the scraggly look or I know I will start pulling and once that happens, I will overdo it and be left with half a thin eyebrow. In the past it has not uncommon for me to have about 1/2" inch of eyebrow- straight and thin- clearly over-plucked to the trillionth degree. I don't even know if you can call that an eyebrow. Its more like above-the-eye-hairs all in a row.

Its been suggested to have them waxed but I'm still in that phase where there just wouldn't be enough to wax and I think most women who do wax other areas would agree you have to be able to live with scraggle for a little while before you can have someone do it. I just cant get to the point where it grows out enough to do that. Again, the vicious cycle continues. I think this "overgrooming" is pretty common. Also, I've never really had to wax any area since I've never been able to stand much hair anywhere on my body.

Any tips on how to find this balance? I'm just hoping it will come to me, that there will be some big change or that I can not pull or "groom" long enough to get them in and then have it either professionally done or at least be grooming a generally larger eyebrow. We'll see what happens. I guess this is my next big test but fortunately I am still going very strong with my eyelashes which is a big relief (and that gives me hope I can tackle anything!)

Lost Love

Yesterday I "rediscovered" my love of eyebrow hair. Those hairs that feel longer and curvier than the rest, particularly the ones closest to my ears ( not that my eyebrows extend to my ears but you get the idea) that just have a certain feel to them that others do not. They come in quicker than other hairs seem to and end up growing longer. The feel of pulling them is not like the other hairs- it's easy yet satisfying. Unfortunately damage can be done so quickly b/c they are so easy to grab a hold of and pull out.

I spent the weekend mostly outside enjoying the weather with friends and there was nothing particularly stressful going on. Yet yesterday morning, as I sat in bed finishing my coffee, checking email and watching Meet the Press, I reconnected with these tempting hairs. Once I pulled one, and at the time it felt as though there were plenty, I just pulled and pulled, knowing full well what I was doing but not caring about the consequences.

Then I looked in the mirror and half of my left eyebrow, just the left, was gone. I should have known this was coming as my weekly "trimming" has gone a little overboard (although I didnt really notice or address this until yesterday). Everything else, fortunately, remained in tact. I'm not going to lie- it felt so good pulling those hairs. For the few minutes it took me to do damage that will take weeks to repair, it was so comforting. Yet, as you know, once you are done or finally stop yourself, the guilt and shame and anxiety kick in. Back to trying to draw in my eyebrows, to making sure it's covered up and as unlikely to be noticed as possible. It sucks. And the sucky part will last a few weeks while the good part only lasted a few minutes. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can't we remember that the good part only lasts a few minutes? (and for those of you that watch The Office, this would be a perfect question calling for the "thats what she said" response- sorry, couldnt resist).

So now its time to pick back up and move on. Maybe this will be the reminder, the kick in the ass, that I needed. Still, this just sucks.