2011 Starting Point

I'm going to start this year out with a photo, despite still being terrified at the idea of posting photos. you cant run from photos, they are what they are and for the most part they are a pretty accurate depiction. Those forehead lines? Can't run from those. The thin eyebrows with the smudging make up? They are there, front and center. My new mac computer has a camera option so really there is so excuse.

As you'll see, my eyelashes (which i'll admit have mascara and a little bit of eyeliner on them as this photo and post are a bit impromputu) look pretty good. The bottom ones havent been pulled in months. The tops ones are basically just as I described the other day- if you look at the left one close to my nose you might notice that there is a bit of a gap from where I pulled a few weeks ago. The time waiting while they are growing back in - when the hairs are small and crooked -is really the hardest time for me not to pull. And my shitty thin looking eyebrows are just sad and crying out for my to let them be.

It's still progress from this time last year, big progress actually as I properly had a few stray hairs (it always reminds me of the song from elementary school "the cheese stands alone, the cheese stands alone" for some bizarre reason- ha). Anyway, thats that and I feel I owe it to my ego to remind myself that I left off a BIG accomplishment from 2010- I quit smoking. Yes, that's me patting myself on the back but screw it, it was hard (a that's what she said reference is definitely called for here for anyone who is a fan of 'the office' like I am).

So there it is. My first step and the hard truth that I start off this year with. Does anyone have suggestions? Things that are working? Topic ideas? (sometimes that is the hardest part of having a blog- coming up with new ideas but lately I've been stuck on my boyfriends hairs and despite already posting about it, I might do another- i cant tell you how much I want to pull his stray eyebrow hairs sometimes!)

My second post today, and the brutal honest truth

When I first started this blog I said that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I would have the nerve to actually post photos. Well, clearly that has not happened but I'm really struggling again and today, while taking photos of my finger, I figured I should take a chance, a big chance. I know that the odds are I dont know anyone that may be reading this blog or who may one day read this. And if they do, it's likely they share the same "secret" about trich that I do and would never say anything. Realistically, no one will have a clue who I am from these photos which dont even show my whole face but it's still terrifying.

So, here are the photos, the honest truth of how I've been struggling with trich lately after I had finally grown back my eyebrows and eyelashes. Clearly you can see I still have make up on from this morning but I knew that if I went into the bathroom and removed the make up, by the time I came back I would have lost my nerve.

Believe it or not, this small insight into who I am is a HUGE step for me but I know its time to be a little more accountable and this blog has been very helpful to my own personal battle and it's time I took full advantage of it. I'm hoping that my showing these photos (which also make visible the forehead wrinkles I spoke of a while back- thank you trich for premature wrinkles) I will never be able to make excuses, like "no one will ever notice if I just pull this one". I hope you notice, I hope I show you, I hope I stop making excuses.

Permanent Reminder

Does anyone else have an indentation on their index finger which will likely always remain? I tried taking a few photos but it didnt come out too clearly (dont mind the wrinkled shirt I used for contrast- haha). From the years and years of picking, which I do primarily with my left hand (although I'm right handed) I have an indentation caused by my thumb nail. When I put the two fingers together to pull the culprit hair, I press into my index finger, and over time its gotten worse and worse.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling especially tweezer happy, I will try to remove the indentation. Trich has caused me to have a freakishly high tolerance to pain. i can literally stick a pin or the tweezers into my finger and just pull back the skin. I know, it's a little disturbing but I'm trying to be more honest than I've been. For a few days afterward it is obviously much more difficult (and painful) to pull with my dominant pulling hand but the tweezer has always been a good back up and, let's be honest, it's never really stopped me from pulling.

In an effort to curb some of my eyebrow and eyelash pulling I've tried to focus more on other areas where the missing hair wont be so noticeable to the casual onlooker (again, this is incredibly and painfully embarrassing to admit but I'm trying to be more honest). As a girl, we can blame certain missing hair on waxing or shaving and guys really don't seem to mind. Lets just say I have gone to town lately and the indentation on my finger is more pronounced then I can remember. Even the woman at the nail salon commented on it whereas usually they just look puzzled as to what would cause such a mark. Even if I finally manage to beat this stupid disease, I would imagine that this will be my permanent reminder of the years I spent pulling away my self esteem.