Couldnt make this stuff up

Let's start with the bad news. The bad news is that on Wednesday night I slipped and pulled. That's the bad news. The good news is that I made it 17 days without pulling. The good news is this time I only pulled one and I was able to stop from pulling any more. The good news is I dont feel horrible about the situation- I'm actually feeling proud of myself for making it as far as I did, for being in control enough from stopping myself from really doing damage, and for allowing myself this slip without allowing the guilt to take over and move me back to the bottom of my trich progress ladder.

Based upon everything thats going on right now, and as I've indicated before, I'm not shocked that I slipped. On Wednesday I found out that the last three months I've spent with my now ex-bf were a total lie. To give the quick summary- we had plans for Saturday and he went MIA. No word, nothing. He'd never done that before and everything with us seemed to be going great so it was so bizarre and, to top it off, his phone had been broken for days. By Wednesday I started getting really worried that maybe he wasnt just being an asshole and blowing me off, but that he could be dead in a ditch. He's not.

I called his friend and left a message that I was just concerned and then called the restaurant he was working at (and that he told me he quit last Thursday) and was asked "who is this, his wife?" Oh yes. Then they basically told me that his last name may not even be his last name. His friend called me back and said he was fine, just had to leave for Italy early b/c his mom had a stroke. Hmmm. About 10 minutes later I start getting multiple texts from him saying he is fine, his mother isnt doing well but he's in Italy. Then he starts saying our relationship is moving to fast, that he isnt married, just scared and didnt know how to tell me (and really our relationship was moving slowly and I've always been really laid back about it). I dont know if he thought he was breaking up with me b/c in my mind, with all the shit I already was thinking after he went MIA, it was already over. I dont need that drama.

It got better. He then called and continued to insist everything he told me was the truth and that, when he got back, he wanted to talk and get drinks. I said there was no point. I was really proud how calm I stayed throughout our talk- I didnt get upset, didnt give him that satisfaction. The whole thing was just crazy and its scary knowing I spent 3 months with someone and might not even know what his name really was. Last night I was emailing with my friend Peter, who had met the bf, and was filling him in on the latest. Peter offered to go to the restaurant and see if he was there and I couldnt pass up the opportunity to get some clarity. He wasnt there but, apparently he had called in earlier to see if it was busy and he could take off and he was due in the next day. So much for taking care of a dying mother in Italy- who lies about that?

At least I know. Of course it's hurtful and makes me sad, but I dont want to waste my time on someone who I cant trust and who doesnt want to really be with me, let alone someone that is even willing to lie about his mom like that. Thats just sick.

So all the emotions of this and everything else that has added up and I slipped. But I held out a long time, I was able to control the situation and not go on a pulling rampage, and now I"m ready to make it 18 days. Learning to manage trich is going to be a marathon, not a sprint. I have to train myself to handle stressful situations because, lets be honest, how often is life really stress-free? And the best revenge I can think is to one day see him again and look fantastic, with my eyelashes and eyebrows fully grown. Screw him.

Reason #13 to stop- always feeling self conscious that people are aware of your 'secret'