It's been just over two months since I started this blog. When I first began I could not imagine talking about my trich with anyone. The support I've received through this blog has been incredible and I truly believe it has helped me progress to this point (thank you!) While it was easier to talk to people who couldn't see me and didn't know me I knew I also had to start opening up to friends and family.
As I've mentioned in the past, I've had mixed results over the years with the few friends I've told about my trich. Since I began this blog I have brought it up to a few of the people who knew already- my parents, my sister and my friend Danielle- and we others who did not. It was hard at first- each time I would tell someone I would burst into tears while trying to confess to my "habit".
It gets easier. Much, much easier. Last Friday night I was out to dinner with a friend who I never would have considered telling just a few months ago. We went to college together, had a few mutual friends but did not really become close until we ended up on the same trip to Israel in 2006. We were catching up (I'll post more about the specifics another time as it relates to trich in a distant way) and I just blurted it out. Each time I tell someone I get more honest about what I do, how I do it and what I'm now trying to accomplish.
The list has grown to include this friend, my best friend Megan, a law school friend, my cousin, my aunt, my grandmother, my hair dresser, some random woman at the Mac store and I think one or two others. I think that's pretty impressive although I just noticed that these are all women. Last night I was going to tell my friend Peter who knows many of my deep, dark secrets but he was in the company of his latest fling when I called. I want to tell him and my best guy friend and then I think I will have my primary support network in place.
In all honesty not many people have followed up and asked me questions despite me asking them to check in on my trich from time to time. I'm sure it must be hard for them and I plan on almost forcing their hand so that I don't just pretend its not an issue anymore.
The one thing that has struck me, in all the people I've now told, is that not one of them judged me (although I think many were surprised having never heard of trich before), they all asked questions and not one of them really ever noticed. I know that may sound hard to believe (and I'm pretty good with using make up to cover up trich but still) but that was the resounding comment by all. They noticed I wore a lot of eyeliner, that my eyebrows were often thin (non-existent but again- thank you eyebrow powder from sephora!) but that's about where it stopped. I think my friend Megan admitted she once noticed I didn't have eyelashes but her comment was "but I never knew you with them so i just didn't think about it".
I have spent 21 years convinced that everyone around me thought I odd or off for not having eyebrows or eyelashes. I have spent countless hours (probably amounting to years) of wasted time worried about what others would think of me and how they would judge me. I spent more time so obsessed with covering up every possible scenario where my trich could be visible. No one noticed. The lawyer in me counters that the countless hours I spent covering it up worked but now I just see it as time in my life that I can never get back. Time I wasted worrying about what others thought.
The quote I used for today's blog is so true. I just wish I knew then what I know now. Your friends wont judge you, they will support you. We are so wrapped up in our own insecurities and shame with this disease that we often cant see that. We have a disease like anyone else. We wouldn't judge someone with a bipolar disorder, with cancer, with MS, we just wouldn't. So why wouldn't people give us the same courtesy? They will, we just have to give them a chance. And if they don't, or they wont take the time to listen and learn about trich, then they weren't a good friend anyway and ultimately they wont matter.
Reason #26- years of time wasted on worrying about what others might think about my trich.
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Just got myself caught up by reading your last two posts. It's so true. I've spent so much time being insecure that it has affected my entire life. I've had many encounters like you described with people asking. A couple of 'Chads' too that I would have liked to punch in the nose, haha. But really, the people that are worth keeping in your life are the people that don't care if you have trich or not.
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