Checking in

There isnt much to report from the last few days. Besides my slip the other day I have been doing pretty well although I'm now convinced that when I'm during "that time of month" the urges become worse (not too shocking given the hormonal changes)- thankfully my time is almost up.

I've been definitely feeling an improvement in my overall self confidence- the other day I was sledding outside (bright lights) in the snow (precipitation which used to make makeup smudge) and standing very close to others (another big fear). It felt good to not be worried about keeping my boundaries and just to live in the moment and enjoy. I'm also wondering if this will help improve my "intimacy" issues since now I wont be afraid to be so physically close to someone. It certainly cant hurt.

I just booked a last minute vacation to visit some family in Florida next weekend which I'm hoping will de-stress me a bit and I plan on coming back and getting on a strict exercise/yoga schedule since we all know those things help reduce stress which can help reduce urges. I read somewhere this week that one of the keys to being a "highly effective person" is getting up early and getting some form of exercise each day so every day this week I've pushed my alarm clock back (or forward? i made it earlier) by 15 minutes each day with the goal being a 5:30am wake up and time for yoga or the gym every morning. My goal is not just getting my hair back and keeping it in the short term, but really continuing to focus on behavioral changes which I can keep in place for long term success.

On a side note, knowing how bad the urges have been this week, I bought bingo & crossword scratch off lotto tickets. They are $2 each and take longer than regular scratch offs to see if you win. I've found that when the urges get really bad, I'll pull out a lotto ticket and just keep my hands busy with them for a few minutes and usually, by the time I'm done, the urge is better (it also helps take my mind off the hair i want to pull). Just a suggestion but it's really helped get me through this week and while I've spent about $20 this week in scratch offs, I've already won back $15!

Reason #23- the fear of getting something in my eyes (which isnt hard when you have no lashes and live in NYC) and not being able to have someone else look into my eye and see where that something is (and the worry of whether it will mess up my make up and i wont have time to fix it before people notice).