Quarterly Review (Part 2)

Before I continue sharing some of the tips that I've found helpful, I want to emphasize that I often have to try multiple things when an urge to pull arises. Get creative. If one distraction doesnt work, find another. If you cant stop thinking about pulling, leave your house, call a friend, start cooking, just DO SOMETHING ELSE. I know all too well how urges can last for hours and consume my thoughts so just implement every tip you've ever heard until something works or the urge subsides.


Daydream: This may sound silly but lately I've found this to help. Sometimes I will rub my fingers across my eyelashes or eyebrows and become incredibly aware of one particular hair that seems too thick, out of place, etc. I will focus all my energy on that hair and become consumed with thinking about it, it almost feels as though it is begging me to be pulled (rationally I know that as soon as I pull this one hair, there will be another one just like it somewhere else and the slippery slope will continue).

Think of something else. I'll start trying to imagine what I would do if I were to win the lottery- who I would give money to, what I would buy, charities I would donate to. I'll imagine what it would be like to be a particular character in a movie or TV show. I'll start picturing myself with a new job or opening up my own firm and try to think about how my life would be different and how I could go about actually making it happen. It can be anything- as you see, my list is kind of cheesy but it has to be a pretty imaginative scenario because you need to think it through in order to refocus your thoughts about pulling. I've found that it can take a little while but this can sometimes help because I can get so caught up in the 'daydream' that by the time I'm done imagining some crazy scenario the urge has subsided.


Think of why you want to stop: This is obviously much easier said than done. Anyone with trich knows that all we want to do is stop pulling and we are all too aware of how much it can suck and how much shame trich can bring. We all have lots of reasons we want to stop, but how often do we really put it down on paper?

One of the things I've done with this blog is try and post, after most entries, another reason that I want to stop. At one point I compiled the list and when i'm having a tough trich day, I'll look it over and see how much control trich has taken over in my life. When I am forced to see, not just think, about all the negative trich has caused me, it can remind me not to give up. Seeing, on paper (or online), reason after reason to stop just makes me angry at trich and makes me want to fight this disease that much more- to find a way to stop that can maybe help me and others.


Never, never, never give up & always forgive yourself: Also easier said than done. Some days are a lot easier than others but trich is never giving up on beating you so why should I give up on beating trich? One of us is going to win this battle and its not going to be trich. It's kind of like a boxing match- you can win a round, trich can win a round, but someone has to win the fight.

Although I've had this disease for over twenty years I think I've really just come to terms with it in the last few months. I've accepted that trich is like many other illnesses or addictions- we didnt choose to get it but we can choose to fight it. And some days we will lose.

I used to be so angry with myself when I would slip, I'd think of all the progress I had ruined in minutes (if not seconds). I'd get sidetracked with my mission to beat trich and would just feel hopeless and powerless. I've changed how I think about this. Now, if I slip, I forgive myself. I know that I am not going to change 20+ years of behavior overnight, but I can control how I react to a slip. I can give up or I can forgive myself, pick back up and forge ahead. Just because I pulled one doesnt me I have to pull them all. I consider it progress that now, if I do have a slip (which is obviously not ideal) I am able to stop after just one. Thats an accomplishment. Four months ago that would have been unheard of. Four months ago I would have given up. I've never done this well and I should be so proud of myself for the progress I have made.

This isnt meant to rationalize the slips but if I do slip I try and learn what I did wrong so I dont do that again. What's the lesson in the slip? What was I not paying attention to? what didnt I try in that situation that could have helped me stop? Rather than being angry at myself for slipping, I'm angry at trich for creeping back in- I'm going to kick trich's ass in the next round.

Bring on the exhaustion: My last tip is kind of a continuation of yesterdays suggestion to change your routine. I recently read an article with suggestions for becoming more effective and productive in life. One of the suggestions was to get up early- that people who wake up really early tend to have a more productive day and have less stress in life.

This has not been easy for me in practice because I am not a morning person but it is actually a really good tip. Every 2-3 days I'll set my alarm for 15 minutes earlier than it was and my goal is to get up around 5am every day (usually I go to bed around 1 am since I dont even get home from work until circa 8:00 and everyone needs time to hang out at night). I have to admit that this extra time in the morning, to hang out, have a cup of coffee, make a sandwich for lunch, play with my cat, whatever it is really sets the tone for the whole day. I'm going to throw yoga into the mix eventually but even without the yoga I'm generally feeling less stressed.

This has two benefits. (1) I've read countless studies which say that the more stressed we are, the more difficult it can be to overcome the urge to pull, and (2) I typically pull at night after I've relaxed for a little while and my guard is down. Getting up earlier makes me want to go to bed earlier and so I'm eliminating a lot of that "guard down" time.

I think there is a difference between relaxation time and "guard down" time. Guard down time kind of refers to that time of night when you are more likely to be a little daring- perhaps call an ex or a guy that you dont normally have the courage to call, to write an email to your boss rather than "sleeping on it" and waking up to reread in the morning only to realize you definitely should not be sending the email. Hopefully that makes sense. I can relax, watch TV, but there comes a point where I'm just not as aware of my actions. By waking up earlier, I still give myself time to unwind at night but not time to hang out with my guard down against trich.


Anyway, those are the best tips I can share and I hope that they are helpful. Good luck and thank you for not just reading but for all your support- it's helped me more than you can ever know and I hope that we can all beat this together!