Things dont always go as planned

Today I was planning on writing about all the good things from this past weekend. I was going to talk about how I faced off, and won, against bright lights, snow (rain), close encounters- so many things that normally i would have been self conscious about but this time around, with my new eyebrows and eyelashes, I was just happy.

But last night I pulled. Twice. I pulled two eyelashes from my right eye that were just a little higher up than the rest of my eyelashes and when I rubbed my fingers over my lashes, I couldnt stop focusing on them. I tried several of my methods to stop pulling- I got up and moved around, I played with my koosh ball thing, I tried reminding myself of why I didnt want to pull but it got the better of me. And looking back on last night I realize I didnt try hard enough. I convinced myself that they wouldnt be missed or even noticed because of all the other lashes. Not cool and I am not happy with the way I tried to rationalize this- such bullshit I'm trying to pull on myself.

On another blog I read the woman once admitted she slipped and then said she thought about lying about it on her blog. I did the same thing this morning but, like her, I refuse to lie to you or to myself. Once again I wish I could say that this struggle was getting easier, and in ways it is, but in many ways its just as hard as ever. We are like alcoholics or drug addicts- we cant have that first drink or just do "one line of coke" again and then go back to our substance -free existence. The pulling is our drug.

Yes, I'm proud of myself that I stopped after just 2, it shows that I have been working hard because now when I do slip and pull, at least I've been able to stop myself before doing serious damage. That said, I need to refocus and perhaps come up with some new ideas for dealing with urges....... I refuse to give up.

Reason #22- years of pictures that I hate to look at because of missing eyelashes/eyebrows and/or really bad make up when I tried to cover up my trich.