Most times when people talk of changing their mind, it refers more to when you decide to go with a different option than the one you had originally planned. "I was going to buy the blue sweater but then changed my mind and bought the red". You know what I mean.
In my quest to beat trich, I've learned that I need change the way my mind thinks about hair, not just deal with the behavior. Now that most of my eyelashes and eyebrows are back, I'm having trouble controlling the urges since apparently I try to justify pulling to myself - "it wont make a difference, no one will notice" or "it'll just be one and then I'll stop" or "if I don't pull that one, I'll focus on all of them and do real damage".
Once again I'm going to compare my situation to that of an alcoholic- I cant pull just that one time just like an alcoholic cant drink just that one drink. I dont know who I think i"m kidding and I don't want to be thinking like this since obviously, if I do, I'll never beat trich. So far I've been able to talk myself out of this terrible, pathetic justification but I cant let it take over.
I have to get it through my head that if I allow myself to pull one today, it becomes easier to pull one tomorrow and then it really will make a difference and people really will notice. Obviously I can pull them faster than they can grow back. I've made so much progress and no one wants to go backwards, but to do that, my next step has to be eliminating these thoughts from my head. I have finally gotten to a place where I am not always worried about people discovering my "trich secret". I've change my routines, my behavior, so many things that made pulling easier but now it's time to work on changing my thought process and not letting the bullshit rationales and justifications take over.
The battle continues........
Reason #24- relationship issues caused by trich (hard to really be close to someone when you are hesitant to often be physically close for fear that they will uncover your 'secret' and end the relationship)
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I feel like I've let myself do this. I pull just one and now I'm back pulling like I was before. Now I can't get back in the game and stop like I had. The justifications are so strong. I hate trying to pull that other side out of me to talk myself out of pulling. I wish that side was stronger.
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