Here we go again

Ok, so I'm completely aware that I've already dropped the ball on both the blog and the pulling. Awesome. But I"m here to start over again. I can make a million excuses (lets be honest, we have probably all mastered the excuses as a result of this stupid disease) but I"m not going to make any. 2010 has been off to a pretty great start for everything but beating trich. Go figure. But now I"m ready to pick back up and start again (and I appreciate the comments b/c truthfully, if no one was reading, I doubt I'd continue). So thank you for reading, happy new years and I hope that everyone is doing better than I am with their own new years goals.

I made it about 4 days into the new year. It's sad but true. It was that one eyelash, the one that is shorter and darker than all the rest and when you run your finger across it, it just begs you to pluck it. What is it about that hair? I would repeat all the reasons why I should not pull it, but I couldnt stop touching it. I dont even consciously realize what I"m doing but I cant stop feeling that hair, its almost painful even though its just a hair like every other hair but I can feel it. And then I pulled it. Of course pulling that one hair leaves you feeling guilty, empty and defeated ("four days? really, four days?!?") but then it opens up the floodgates and each hair becomes easier to pull- so long 2010 resolution. When the hair is pulled the spot I removed it from stings b/c I've been playing with it for 4 days. That feeling of satisfaction lasts no longer than a millisecond and then you feel like crap again.

Now on a positive note I did not pull out every hair but over the next few days I did take a giant step back. My left eye is now decent while the right has had better days. Lately I've been even more self conscious about it- sunglass season is clearly over and the NYC subway really leaves you standing up right next to someone- how can they not see how freakish I feel? I am so aware that everyone else near me has thick beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows and they all must know that I dont. I've mastered the make up/cover up as much as anyone can that is trying to make it seem like they have hair by using a pencil or eyeshadow or whatever it is. Again, I'm lying to myself if I think that doesnt stand out on its own (this was reminded to me when I looked at our pictures from new years eve- as our sangria pictionary night went on the eyeliner from my bottom eyelid smudges, as it always does at the end of a night, and I am inevitably left looking like i have dark circles under my eyes, which is incredibly attractive).

I'm making more lists, more reasons in my head why this has to end but yet I dont take that huge step and throw out the tweezer. Ahhh, the tweezer. We have had such a horrible, needy relationship over the last 15 years (it wasnt always the tweezer) but I"ll talk more about that some other time.

Right now I"m just writing to say that I"m back, I'm sorry, and we are going to start again. I hope anyone who reads this that has had the same setback as I've had picks up with me and starts again. We can do this.