Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly

As great as Friday morning was, Friday night was a different story. I've been busy prepping for this big trial I have starting this week and stayed in to get some work done. About 9pm I received multiple emails from my boss, who tends to have BS revelations every so often on how best to "manage" the firm. He basically comes up with plans for meetings that are nothing but a huge waste of time and then he turns around and gets annoyed with us for not billing enough hours every month when we all know he has a tendency to grossly exaggerate his own time (never mind the fact that he really doesn't know how to handle a case on his own). This is one small example.

Anyway, after getting the latest emails about issues with my time from last month (i have been so busy i havent had time to update yet) and wanting early morning meetings (which would result in another huge waste of time for the meeting and now we cant go straight to court and have to waste more time traveling to/from the office and then to/from court)my anxiety level went through the roof. Before I knew what I was doing, I had pulled 4 eyelashes. I was so angry and annoyed with him, and so sick of all his clueless nonsense (and the fact he had to email all of us at 9pm on a Friday with that crap) that I went straight back to my old bad way of dealing with stress.

I know stress is going to happen and I definitely didnt handle it well. I can say I was tired and wasnt on guard but that cant be an excuse. I slipped and I have to accept my part in it but it made me really think about my current situation. My job is chaotic, there is no way around it, and for the most part I can deal with the client chaos. I just have had enough of my boss and his empty promises. I've stuck around for almost 3 years (and have been here longer than anyone else) while he has promised me my salary would improve when things got better. Really, it hasnt. All of the things I liked about the firm when I started here are gone. It's a different place and I have really been feeling devalued based upon the time and energy I have put into this place and what I'm getting out of it.

Soooo, it's time to move on. The economy sucks and obviously now isnt the best time to be job searching or starting a business but if I really want my life to improve, I've got to take some changes. The title of this post, a quote from Robert Kennedy, is very appropriate. My boss is never going to change and the stress he causes me will never go away- it's time I came to terms with that. Every time I think things are getting better, he comes up with some new idea that everyone, not just me, gets frustrated with. I wont let him be the reason I fail over trich. I can handle stress, usually quite well, but there must be a purpose to it, a goal for myself, not just putting money in his pocket.

On Saturday night, after going out for my friends birthday and talking with some great people who have made big career changes lately, I had a dream that I started up my own firm. I woke up so relieved until I realized it wasnt true. That's when I knew it was just time. Starting my own firm is so risky but I believe I can do it and there is never going to be a "perfect" time to take this chance.

Today I started my 6 month plan. I got up at 6am, went for a run, got to work early, and will spend at least 1 hour today working on a plan to get my own business up and going. I've read that if you spend an hour a day working towards a goal every day for 6 months, the odds are you can make it happen. In just under 6 months, on a Monday in September, I will turn 30. And that's the day I will quit my job.

I dont expect this to be an easy process, and I am sure that with the stress of this new adventure I will have plenty of urges, I just hope that the stress is good stress, the kind that will change my life and keep me on the right path. As I've mentioned, my struggle with trich has been a lifestyle change- a great one- and I need to continue that journey. I'm daring to achieve greatly and, although I'm admittedly terrified, I'm hopeful it can all work out.