Good morning

Last night I hung out with this guy I've been friends with since college. I'd always had a small crush on him but had dated one of his fraternity brothers for several years so I figured it was a closed door. Also, after college we usually live extremely far away from each other so it seemed like would never be anything more than a college crush (we did hang out once or twice over the years, the last time about 5 years ago when I was in California).

He moved back to NYC in August to go to grad school and we reconnected (thank you Facebook). We hung out a few times in December although I was dating the jerk/adulterer Italian guy and, at the time, was pretty happy in that relationship so nothing ever progressed. It just so happened that immediately after things with the Italian fell apart, this other guy asked me to hang out(and yes, I really do refer to the jerk as "the Italian"- its not the most creative nickname my friends and I have come up with but he was literally from Italy so it just became his nickname -although now that's the nicest name I have for him).

College guy couldnt be more different from the Italian (although he is also Italian but not "off the boat") and he was slow to make a move. It always stayed pretty casual and, to be honest, we had both been so busy the last few weeks we barely spoke. Anyway, this week he called and wanted to get together.

Last night we went out for drinks, played some beirut (or beer pong depending on where you live and went to school) and then went back to my apartment to watch a movie. By the time the movie was over, and admittedly we did some PG-13 hooking up, he was pretty tired and somehow hinted at staying. In the past he'd asked me to stay at his place but I always left- figuring it was a good way to keep it casual and because I have always been so freaked out at the idea of waking up at a guys place and exposing my "secret". I think he must have sensed my hesitation because he flat out asked me if I was kicking him out and then I felt guilty so I said of course he could stay (i mean, we have been friends for 10 years and its not like I was worried about something happening between us).

This morning was fabulous. For the first time I didnt wake up in the middle of the night to fix my make up, nor did I spend most of the night sleepless, worrying that I had to get up before him to make sure my eyeliner was intact. I didnt worry that my pseudo-eyebrows would rub off in the night on my pillow. I slept well and in the morning the only thing I was worried about was whether or not I had morning breath, something quite a bit more common than missing eyebrows and eyelashes. Although he was slow to make a move originally, and I was worrying he was even less affectionate than I am, he was very cuddly this morning and it was nice to just be able to enjoy the attention, to just relax and not feel completely self conscious.

I wish I could say that all of these positive things have kept me from having urges but it is still difficult. Most of the time its still a conscious effort to keep myself from pulling and the urges, while they are certainly less frequent, are still there and can still be incredibly strong. I just keep hoping that the more I keep having positive experiences, and basically enjoying this new 'lifestyle', the easier it will be to manage my trich. For now, I'm just happy that I'm getting to have these experiences and positive interactions since there were many, many years I never thought it was possible. :)

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful, pull-free weekend!