A Family Affair

Lots of people on other blogs and online support groups have commented on the various reactions from family members once they discover that the person has trich. Sadly, most of these reactions are not pleasant and have caused a lot of pain to the person suffering from trich and part of me thinks that at least a small part of that negative reaction can be attributed to the family member simply not knowing how to react.

I believe that most parents want to help their children but what do you do when your child has a destructive habit/disease that there is no cure for? Many people dont know anything about trich, let alone that it is so much more than a physical problem but that it has such a negative effect on our self esteem. About two posts ago I commented on how my dad would sometimes draw my eyelashes before going away so he could compare, and possibly punish me, if they were not the same when he returned. I've never forgotten that and while I know without a doubt my dad loves me and would never do anything to hurt me, it still has (obviously) had a last impact and was very hurtful and embarrassing. I wonder if it would have been different had our parents reacted differntly? But what could they have done?

My parents tried almost everything to get me to stop. Punishments, therapy, gloves, band aids, embarassment (I was also not allowed to get contacts until I stopped- after I hit 14 and still hadn't stopped what was then a 6 year habit, my parents caved and let me get rid of my hideous glasses. Oh yeah, and my mom used to say "boys dont make passes at girls who wear glasses" as kind of a fucked up incentive. Sweet)

Anyway, I digress. What made me first think to write this post in the first place was that this past weekend I attended a bat mitvah for my cousin and had lots of family around. It brought into sharp focus how many family members I have with some form of trich but also saddened me to think that out of the 8 or so family members that have had the disease in some form, not one ever talked to me about it in a productive way. My cousin, the cousin I am closest to but lives in CA, had trich worse than me but managed to stop. I have tried for YEARS to get her to talk to me about it, even told her about the hypnotist this past weekend, but she just doesnt want to. How can I push it, is that fair to her? I know how embarrassing and hard it can be to talk about it but it still bothers me.

I dont know. Besides my mom who pulled her eyelashes for a short time and then just stopped (and she can offer no helpful tips) my cousin is the person who would be able to relate to me the best. I know I have to let it go but I hope and pray that if I ever have kids or nieces or nephews or even friends that have trich, that I will happily offer them every and any resource and help I can. I hope that one day this is no longer a shameful disease but something people know about and understand, so that we can all feel comfortable talking about it.

Anyway, on another note, my boyfriend met my entire family at the bat mitvah and was a bit hit. We also had some pretty serious discussions this weekend and have decided to move in together. Even though he knows about my trich I still would never want him to see me completely without make up (and my hair is growing back pretty slowly but still growing back) so I have until June to get everything back. Let's hope the hypnosis sticks but my motivation just grew even more!!