Reflections and Updates for 2011

Happy 2011 to all! It's a new year and a fresh start. 1/1/11 just seems to scream "Square 1" or "new beginnings". As I look back on the past year I'm trying to take an optimistic approach- a lot has changed. I start out this year with hope, the way I started out last year, but also with a sense of reality that sometimes, although we dont accomplish ALL our goals, progress can not be ignored or discounted. Progress leads to change which can lead to success.

Last year my resolutions were as follows:

1. I will be honest, brutally honest, I will confess when I have slipped, what I have pulled and at some point in the near future, I will post pictures of my eyes documenting progress.

2. I wont make excuses or apologies (after this).

3. I will commit to writing in this blog at least 3 times a week.

4. I will come to terms with all aspects of this disease- I will finally own up to it with my friends...and deal with it

All in all I'm pretty happy with how I did even though it wasnt exactly as I set out. I have confessed when I slipped and at one point even posted a picture of my eyes. I did make a few excuses and I definitely did not blog at least 3 times a week but I tried and had a total of over 80 posts for the year (so on average 1-2 a week) which isnt horrible. But most of all I'm proud of the fact that I did come to terms with my trich, I did own up to it with my friends and family and actively took steps to conquer this lingering demon of a disease.

In terms of progress, I have mixed feelings on that. I sit here with about 94% of my eyelashes (that one stupid spot from 2 weeks ago hasnt quite filled in) but I havent pulled recently and 94% is about 93% more than I had at this time last year. My friends know, I recognize my triggers more than I did, and I no longer feel the overwhelming shame I felt telling people last year (ok, well a little confession, I am sitting here next to my boyfriend of almost 7 months who I still have not had the "talk" with- small steps on that one I suppose- I'm not really sure wyh I havent told him). My eyebrows look, well, shitty. I havent pulled in a few weeks but they are still very thin. Adding the optimistic spin to that, once again its more than I had last year and the fact that I havent pulled in a few weeks is still a big accomplishment for me, certainly more than I had hoped for myself last year (and I finally, FINALLY quit my job and started a business so I'm pretty damn proud of that).

So once again it's time to move forward, to set new goals to work for (and I have a new computer so I have no excuse not to blog) This year I have a pretty simple resolution really- i want to improve on my previous progress. Yup, that's it. I am not going to say I am going to beat trich because after this year I just dont know that you ever fully beat this disease, you just learn how to manage it and suppress it to where you can actually have hair again. I think that saying "i'll beat trich" sets an unfair and unrealistic expectation- its too easy to slip and give up when half the battle, at least for me, is forgiving myself for the slips, not giving up and picking up to move on without erasing all the progress I'd previously made. If I slip and pull one hair and then stop myself, that's progress. Sure, it would be amazing not to pull at all but baby steps seem to be keep trying, keeping learning about this disease and finding new ways to improve and manage it.

I guess it comes down to this:

1. Improve on previous progress. By December 2011 I want to have kept all my eyelashes (and added a few) and have more than a thin line of eyebrow hair.

2. Tell my boyfriend about trich and continue to be honest.

3. Exercise- this has two purposes, the first, i want to lose the 10 pounds of christmas cookies I ate this month and second, exercising helps keep my mind clear which I've noticed has helped my stay on my toes with trich. My goal, again being realistic, is 3 times a week for at least one hour.

4. Be grateful and worry less. I'm not going to go into the reasons behind this one so much right now- suffice it to say the last few weeks have been an eye opener for me on how short life is and how much time I/we spend worrying about things that never come to fruition but yet we waste so much time on. I want to be happy with what I have instead of always worrying about what I should have in the future or dont have right now. let's face it, stress isnt good for trich either so it all ties back in.

Well that's it for now. I hope that everyone has a happy and healthy 2011 and, as always, thank you so much for the support and for reading!