Every day I wake up and struggle with trich. I have not been doing well- I am back to no eyebrows and even did some damage on both my right and left eyelashes. It makes me anxious as I think about the 107 days I have left until the wedding. As I've mentioned before, I have read that you need 6 weeks for the hair to regrow. That's 42 days. I would imagine I need even a little more than that for them to really look good and full so let's assume 9 weeks or 63 days. I have 44 days left.
Well, not really. I have 44 days left to get my pulling in gear if I want to have hair for the wedding. As part of the photography package we purchased we are doing engagement photos (yet another thing I never thought I'd do but it's included so what the hell- i'll feel like an idiot for an hour). I would like to have eyebrows and eyelashes for those photos which will be taken on September 13. Assuming I need the same 9 weeks I need to stop by next Thursday. It's not looking good.
I dont know what is going on. I dont know why it's worse now than before. Yes, wedding planning is stressful (really only in the sense that I seem to be hurting people's feelings over things I dont think are big issues- like not inviting his cousin who apparently has a habit of responding that he will come with his wife and then going MIA- we also never see him and they arent close but he's upset not to be invited and I got cornered about it by his aunt at a BBQ last weekend. Yikes). Life is stressful but no more than usual. I just can't stop pulling. All I want to do is pull.
I feel embarrassed, ashamed, nervous, angry, insecure, you name it. I've lost my way and can't seem to get myself back on track. I am able to lie to myself and make excuses but at the end of the day I still look in the mirror and I'm not happy with what I see. Sometimes it feels like I just continue to give myself permission to pull and even though I dont want to do it, part of me, a big part of me, just likes to pull. And that part of me seems to take over and suppress every ounce of willpower I have. Is that just lazy? I'm not happy that I feel so overwhelmed with trich but I can't seem to hold myself accountable and summon the willpower to stop for even a full 24 hours. It really sucks and I need to find a way back to a better place if I'm going to have any hope of making this happen by October 26th. Ugh.
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I'm getting married soon too and have also had to face the fact it is now too late to grow a full set. So much frustration and heartache...I really feel for you, it was comforting to read your post and I want to send you my very best wishes. Whether we have full hair or not we will still be brides and beautiful. If you are like me I know it is hard to accept the thought of being beautiful without the hair so hoping that my comment on your blog might help a little :)
ReplyDeleteSorry, I've reread your post and realized that you still have a chance at getting your hair back in time - I felt such a personal response and sympathy to the whole issue of getting hair back before getting married that the maths of days and weeks left before your big day passed over me a bit! - I really really hope that you make it. You will be in my prayers...
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your support. How is your struggle going? Have you gotten married already? If so, congratulations, I'm sure you looked beautiful but yes, it defintely is a frustrating and heartbreaking situation that most people can't understand. You hope for years that you will be able to stop, at least for long enough to grow your hair in for that one day, and yet it's never quite that easy. Would love to hear how you are doing and wish you all the best. Thanks for reading my blog.
DeleteK.
Hello, Iam 25 now been pulling for 14 years and counting, I got married 3 years ago and was not able to grow my hair before the wedding I had extensions and pulled my hair up it looked really nice but I won't lie to you I was anxiouse the whole time I was scared that my blind spot would appear in the pics or someone might notice them, another thing trich is really affecting my marriage negatively I have told my husband about it before the marriage and I promised him I'll stop but here we r 3 years and one baby later and we are about to get divorced because of it so I strongly advice you to deal with the problem ASAP by going to a therapist and getting cognitive behavioral therapy and maybe medications too do your best to solve the problem not to hide the hair
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing. It definitely does effect our relationships and it's so difficult for someone that doesn't have trich to understand. I hope that things are looking up :)
DeleteWish you the best of luck in your life and in your countdown to the wedding .
ReplyDeleteThank you, I really appreciate it!
DeleteKimberly,
ReplyDeleteMake sure to read my latest post to you at the bottom of your June 9th post. Just thinking of you and hoping you are doing well!
Heidi
Thank you Heidi, I will. It's been a tough few months. How are you doing? How is the food diet going? Thank you so much for all the support, it means a lot :)
DeleteIs there an email address I could contact you at?
ReplyDeleteHeidi
Have you read this before:
ReplyDeletehttp://welltellme.com/discuss/index.php?topic=10160.0
Read the Reply #3 by Healthybratt. I want to know what you think about it. I am going to eat more garlic, less sugar, etc. It makes sense to me that sugar is feeding a yeast. I pull more when I eat sugar. I am going to also clean my skin more (take a shower twice a day). Anyway, I want your opinion on this.
Heidi
Here is a list of foods to eat and avoid:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.trichotillomania.co.uk/trichotillomania_diet/trichotillomania_John_Kender_diet.htm
Just FYI- something else I found.
Heidi
one more:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.oocities.org/ttmlarchive/research-antiyeast.html
Just passing on what I am finding on the internet.
Have a great day!
Heidi
This might be where the original one I mentioned was from. It has a lot more information...I hope it is not too much- I was just excited to find it today! Here's to hoping this can help me/us!
ReplyDeleteHeidi
http://www.trichotillomanie.de/john_kender_diaet_2.html
Oops- I responded to this below. I have tried the diet he suggests but it didn't do too much to help me although I read it had helped many others. Hope you are finding some success with it!
DeleteWow i have hope that you can do it... I know it seems really hard. But you must look beautiful in ur wedding. Do this change for yourself and for your husband! I too am gonna make that change!
ReplyDeletehello kimberley,
ReplyDeletegood luck to you on your battle. this link is about a lady(hair expert) who is specialised in trichotillomania maybe she can help she has a salon in london and in los angeles.
http://www.lucindaellery-hairloss.com/
CHECK OU THI LIST OF SKIN AND HAIR care providers in NY .ask about hair integration or hair bonding depending on your case ,good luck. http://www.trich.org/treatment/hair-skin-care-4.html
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm definitely going to check it out although I'm a little concerned I will just pull out any hair, even if it's not mine!
DeleteThank you for all the comments and for sharing the links, I really appreciate it. I have actually tried the food diet and, having been on weight watchers (I'm now about as low as I can go in the weight dept), I generally tend to avoid most of the foods they list but it doesn't seem to help me much. How is it going for you? Exercise (when I do it) often seems to help a bit more so than most other strategies I've employed. Sex can also sometimes be helpful :)
ReplyDeleteHow is everyone doing with their own battles?