Thank you for the posts, comments and emails I have received over the last couple months- they really have helped and I'll admit it's encouraging to know I have supporters as sometimes I question myself whether or not anyone even reads my blog.
It's not been an easy few months for my battle with trich. As I sit here typing this post, the first since November (yikes! has it been that long??) I have no eyebrows. None. There is nothing I can point to and define as the source of my pulling which has frustrated and discouraged me more than I can even admit to sometimes. I just cant understand it and my self-esteem and confidence is once again pretty low as I'm afraid to get too close to people since I don't want them to see my penciled in eyebrows.
My eyelashes somehow have been okay. Not great, but okay. I have pulled here and there but I'm happy to say that the bottom lashes have not been touched and the top ones are significant enough that I can wear mascara and don't really need to use much make up. On a random note, I'm typing this while working form home with the TV on and in the background (no joke, as I'm writing this) the View is doing a segment about how "eyelashes make all the difference on a persons face" and talking about how noticeable lashes are on a person. Ugh. Now they are encouraging and singing the praises about Latisse and Revitolash Advance as a way to regrow and thicken your lashes. Apparently they aren't taking into account that some of us pull our lashes (but I guess that would be a different segment).
So once again I'm analyzing my behavior, my diet, my stress levels and everything else that could be a factor in my downfall but at the same time I'm trying to come to terms with the fact I may never beat this awful disease. That's probably why I haven't posted on here in so long- I'm in a bit of a Debbie Downer phase. The summer (and bright lights, and water, and sweating) is just around the corner and I'm eyebrowless. My boyfriend and I are talking about eloping and I cant stop thinking about how I always figured by the time I'd get married, and when taking all those "pictures that last a lifetime" I would have my lashes. And truthfully I just don't know if it will happen.
I don't really know what to do to get myself out of this funk and back on a positive track. I say that and then I don't write on my blog, don't check into the online forums, don't go to support groups. So many excuses and I just let those excuses take over. I have been changing my diet (thank you weight watchers) and starting to exercise (spinning and pilates are my latest) so maybe that will have a positive influence. Anyway, that's my update for now. Again, I want to thank you for the support as it really has made, and continues to make, a big difference and it helps me get motivated even though it's hard to tell from today's post. Today is as good of a day as any to make a change for the better. It's a great day to get better.
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Okay, sister (as both of us are daughters of God, we truly are sisters), I have been thinking of you all night…it is 2:30 in the morning, and I cannot sleep. I read your blog last night, and I cried. I am the one who commented that I wanted to hear your update on February 28th, and ever since I read your blog on that day, I have not pulled once. Reading your blog could seriously be my own words... it is scary how you knew everything about me- right down to every last detail. Reading about your pictures for your upcoming wedding reminds me of last month getting my passport photo taken. I have always wanted a passport, but I kept waiting to get one until I had all of my eyebrows and eyelashes. Well, last month, I realized that that day will probably never come, and I just put my make-up on and went and took the picture- it was a huge accomplishment for me- I was so happy to finally do it. Anyway, I know what you mean about getting your wedding pictures. I was married at 19, and my trich didn’t get bad until after that so my wedding pictures are beautiful. Those are probably the last pictures I have ever liked to take and didn’t stress about like I do now. I have had 6 births, and I always dreaded taking pictures and videos at each of my children’s births. I would try so hard not to pull as my due date came each time. Anyway, my point is that I feel your pain. I want to you to know that you are not alone in this. You have helped me so much, and I want to help you in any way that I possibly can. I want you to be a queen on your wedding day. I don’t want either of us to suffer any more. Let’s help each other somehow. Besides my husband knowing about my disease, you are the first person I have talked with about it. I am 34 years old, and like you, I have been struggling with this since I was 8 or 9 years old. I am so tired of it. Let’s beat this thing together…one day at a time. (I guess I will need to do this over two comment posts...) Post 1 of 2
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ReplyDeleteI am going to put your name on the prayer roll at the temple of my church. I am also praying for you. Quick story, I just rewarded myself a few days ago with a pedicure- that was my reward of choice for not pulling for 30 days (I have only had a few pedicures in my life). I picked the brightest hot pink they had to secretly remind me to keep going every time I see them. (I used to try to go 30 days in a row, but I would never get to any rewards that way so I just started giving myself a “star” for each day I didn’t pull and added them all together.) Go get a pedicure and pick out the brightest hot pink color they have. Anyway, while I was there, I was sitting next to a lady who was with her friend when a young girl came in and was getting her eyebrows waxed. The lady commented how cute that was that she was doing that, perhaps for her first time. I was sick inside, and wanted to say “don’t start!” Then, I realized that even though I “started,” and have become obsessed with my eyebrows being perfect, that doesn’t mean that I need to keep doing it. Almost every woman I look at is “over-tweezed,” and it makes me sick- what are we doing to ourselves? So, I am in the process of growing mine completely in. I have looked so bad with missing hair for so long, I figure that even though it looks “bad” to me with hair all over in my eyebrow area, I am going to do it anyway. I loved Karen Carpenter when I was little and was fascinated with her story- we recorded it off TV. I always remember her looking in the mirror when she was skin and bones and she still thought she was fat…but she wasn’t. I couldn’t understand why she saw herself that way. Oh boy, now do I ever see it with my trich. Maybe we are beautiful the way God made us will all of our hair. Anyway, I am going to grow all of mine in. I am tired of the countless hours I have spent in front of the mirror trying to get the “perfect” eyebrows when maybe leaving them alone they are already perfect. With all the time I am saving, I am doing other things with my life. I am tired of this disease taking over my life, and anyway, I will be quiet now, but I want you to know that for these past 12 days, I have thought of you and the strength you have given me, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! As you said, "Today is as good of a day as any to make a change for the better. It's a great day to get better." Yes, indeed!!!
Your sister
Thank you! I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support and the feedback- it makes such a difference and I truly believe that to get through this we all need to help each other- hope you are still pull-free!
DeleteAs a matter of fact, I am no different than anyone else with this crazy disease. I had a great 12 days pull-free, but that was about the extent of my vacation from this monster! How can we help each other? That is the question on my mind lately. Maybe if we knew that we were not alone and that collectively as a group we were trying hard to not pull for the next 4 weeks only...I don't know, but I do know that I need help just as much as everyone else who has trich needs help. Suggestions? I clean my house with my friend, and then I help her with hers- it is more fun to work together. I consider myself a "social worker." If I was accountable to someone and knew that someone else was working on this task with me, maybe we would accomplish our goals better than if we were all working separately. Anyway, happy spring to you too. May we all have the summer that is only in our dreams where we can swim whenever and with whoever we want. I hope and pray we can have that dream become a reality! By the way, are you still getting married? Your sister
ReplyDeleteHi Kimberly! I am new to your blog, but definitely not to trich! This post was especially meaningful to me because my boyfriend and I too are discussing getting married soon. I don't want to though until I have full eyelashes and eyebrows! I can't even imagine it being the most important day of my life and having to worry about drawing on my eyebrows :/ I always tell myself that I'll quit before my wedding, that I'll quit before I have kids, etc.. Why can't I just quit now!!
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