Seasonal Funk

The urges to pull are often worse than usual when I'm feeling anxious and unhappy. Then pulling makes those feelings even worse so it all seems to feed onto itself. I'm not even sure that feeling the stubbly hairs make me any calmer but maybe I do it more so that my anxious energy is focused on something else. I wish I had a better understanding of how it works but in the past I've tried charting when I pull most and how I'm feeling at that time and I never noticed any striking patterns.

This week has been sucky. It started last weekend with an incredibly horrible and depressing trip to Florida where my mom and I broke the news to my grandparents that they had to go into a nursing home. They were so sad. We then set about the horribly depressing task of looking at nursing homes which is just awful. Even our flight home with multiple screaming children was awful.

After I returned home I couldnt shake this unhappy feeling. I took a day off from work and being around people (not easy in NYC so basically I just stayed in my apartment and watched movies) but even that didn't help. Then came the over hyped hurricane which fortunately didnt hit our area as badly as weatherman were claiming. Two days stuck inside a little apartment also didnt help.

Now it's almost September. My sister has said that she starts getting anxious around this time of year. Perhaps its knowing that the nice weather is coming to an end, the summer is almost over and we have another long winter ahead. Perhaps it is knowing that 9/11 is right around the corner- the nonstop coverage certainly doesnt help and brings back a lot of painful memories. Or maybe it's just not meeting my summer goals with weight loss and trich. Maybe a combination. Either way, nothing is helping.